[ ten years ago, he wouldn't have believed this would be his life even if his future self had told him about it, had showed him, and he's had alternate future selves do both. those futures were believable based on what he'd known of himself at the time-- at least to say that he'd be an asshole that probably died messy.
instead, this morning there have been no emergencies so far, and he's so relaxed and content for probably the first time in a month that psychic phoenix flame licks the air around their bed, sparking and flaring in and out like bright little stars. it's a harmless display, and certainly not deliberate, but as it's not hurting anything and it's warming their bedroom no more than the sun streaming in through the sheer curtains, he doesn't rein in his control any tighter for now.
curled loosely with josh, eyes sleepily half-lidded and fingers playing absently with the gold ones resting on the mattress, he shifts, blinking, mind reaching carefully out for their son. ]
I can't believe he's still asleep, [ he admits, breaking the relative stillness of the morning at last. then, even more incredulously: ] .. I can't believe we got to sleep in, honestly. When was the last time neither one of us had something to take care of before fucking dawn?
there was no more soul-crushing anxiety about control of his powers and the need to alienate himself from the world lest it cause him to lose control. he never thought that he'd want kids, let alone have them. that he'd settle down (with quentin, of all people. david had really never let him live that one down). or have a life that existed beyond surviving from day to day.
josh had never said the words out loud. never dared to relax for even a moment, because even with most of his worries soothed by time, he still lived with the certainty that once he did it would all be over.
but, even so, its hard to think like that right now. the bed is warmed with phoenix fire, quentin's fingers in his. the four other minds connected to his own are peaceful in their own right. there's no emergency. no need to rush out of bed to revive some unexpectedly fallen allies. their kid - sensitive and needy as the both of them - hasn't woken up and started caterwauling for attention.
I swear I'll actually pull rank if someone interrupts us now, [ he complains in a mild grumble, and his fingers slide up josh's arm instead, tracing the curve and dip of muscle, admiring the shine of his skin for the hundred-thousandth time. they drift over his collarbone, then flatten in the center of his chest, fingers drumming there lightly. ] Or you'd better.
[ not to be selfish, but they deserve a little time to themselves now and then. they're parents, as scary as that thought continues to be at odd moments. and for all that they're also things important to all of krakoa, being parents has to come first; quentin desperately never wants their child to go through what either of them did.
he shifts, finally pushing himself into a sitting position, reaching for josh's wrists and lifting them over his head, pinning them to the mattress with his tk as he swings a thigh over the other man's waist and sits back on his lap. one hand pushes sleep-mussed pink hair back from his face as he leans down to press a kiss to josh's jaw, his other hand braced in the center of the other man's chest. ] Maybe we can do something disgustingly domestic and family-shaped today if no one starts a war.
[ and he likes watching quentin. fullstop. quentin's better at it, really. quentin and power go together in a way he and power never did, but they wield it about equally. the phoenix - a host who can actually control and co-exist with it - and the number five have a terrible history, but it works here.
[ he avoids the kiss teasingly for a few moments before giving in, teeth scraping over josh's lower lip when he eventually pulls back to arch his brows at him. ] Who's bossy?
[ but it's certainly true that he tends to be more aggressively assertive than josh is. part of it's just quentin's personality, of course, which hasn't changed that much since his teenage years.. but some of it's the phoenix's influence. it's a balancing act, of course, but he'd had years of warning before it had ever come for him. it waited for him, and the end result is a stable union, one more fully integrated than in prior hosts.
their people needed a stable union of host and cosmic entity. losing control has, in the past, cost them far too much. it's a concern that had initially driven him to josh, in fact, as one of the few people who could do something about it if quentin ever lost control, who could maybe even survive it.
and now here they are, considering disneyland. ] Shit, [ he laughs, quiet against the other man's throat, pressing a kiss there, too. ] Eighteen-year-old me would be screaming with horror right about now. [ then, musingly: ] Think our troublemaker is old enough to appreciate the mouse monopoly??
[ there's an appreciative rumble. josh shifts under him, fingers flexing underneath the telekinetic hold. ]
What four year old doesn't want to see magic and castles and princesses? [ and with powerful enough psychic recall, the age isn't a problem... but then again, krakoa has all of that for real. with the danger. they've all been to otherworld.
but venturing out into the human world is a new experience. one he figures all mutant kids should probably do once in a while. if only to see the world beyond their gates, so they don't become trapped behind them by fear. ]
[ he has a point, as reluctant as quentin is to admit it. of course noah will be excited to see a place like disney; he's familiar enough with some of the movies at this point, knows some of the princesses by sight. he's kind of obsessed with any character that reminds him of one of his dads, which is plainly adorable.
his palms slide down, curling against josh's ribs, thumbs rubbing briefly over his nipples before sweeping away again. ]
The rest of the team went once when I was with the West Coast Avengers, [ he admits musingly, and finally eases his hold on josh's wrists, letting him lift them if he wants. ] But I was too busy being too edgy for amusement parks. [ and he hadn't exactly been well-loved back then.
he huffs out a breath, then sits back up again, raking his hair out of his face. ] .. Fuck, why not? It'll be a good experience for him. And we're the two most powerful mutants on the planet, nothing's going to happen. [ that almost definitely jinxed it, but honestly, he's right. if they can't keep their own son safe, they're doing something seriously wrong. ]
[ his hands settle comfortably on quentin's hips, power thrumming through his fingertips.
the problem with this plan is pretty simple. as one of the five - the only one of them with true immortality, not that it matters - he's not really supposed to leave the island. a younger josh would have struggled with this reality. he'd always done best when he had the freedom to run.
this might be something of a cage. but it's one he never wants to leave. ]
If anyone gives us shit about going we can ask X-Factor to come along. Its not their usual job description but, like, they'll draw less attention than Logan trying to pretend he's a normal dude.
[ quentin and josh hadn't been friends in highschool - honestly speaking, josh barely remembered the brash mutant. they hadn't shared many classes, and he'd been so new to the school when quentin had died that he'd struggled to put a name to his face.
at first it had been curiosity. a mutual interest in someone who hadn't known them at their worst moments, someone who hadn't had a vested interest in the person they were and only wanted to explore the one they were now. quentin was safe to spend a heat with, safe to share his less than glowing thoughts about their situation with, safe to give his heart to because quentin never seemed to want it. which meant he wasn't keen on breaking it.
then it had been comfort. the sound of his window opening in the middle of the night stirring him from a light sleep always meant that he could sink into a deeper one. he'd lift the covers and quentin would climb into bed beside him, his racing heart slowing as fingers lazily wound together under the covers.
now it was something stronger. yet at the same time it was unspoken and tenuous, a mere thought that seemed ready to be torn apart by a strong breeze. they aren't prepared for the hurricane that blows in.
attacks on krakoa aren't new. the shores are sieged every so often by sentinels and reavers. but attacks that start in arbor magna are unheard of and the five aren't prepared for it. by the time anyone arrives, the latest batch of bodies is dead. half of the five are dead, delaying the resurrection protocols until replacements can be found. there had been bits of gore and viscera strewn all about their workshop, and their minds had been pummeled by a psychic force. proteus is in pieces. tempus has locked herself in a temporal state between life and death, pause pressed on a fatal injury until a healer can help. hope has her wits about her but she's in no shape to speak, and egg is shellshocked by the brutality he'd witnessed.
and josh is missing.
no. he's dying. that's what hope manages to tell them two days later, once the telepaths are done undoing the damage that had been done to her. something had puppeted the husks in the eggs and forced them to break out, utilizing their powers to cause as much chaos as possible. something decimated the five's physical defenses - and josh had hesitated to hurt mutants, even mindless husks, and that had cost them. the psychic link had survived, though. though all that comes through in josh's fleeting moments of consciousness is fear, dread, and a terrible pain that leaves the surviving two pale and weak. his thoughts are scrambled and disoriented, he can't give a location or even answer questions. what they pull is that he knows he's needed, that he would be nearly impossible to replace, but he's dying from wounds that he can't heal and he's afraid. they've got him cut open in a hundred different ways, his powers turned off to prevent him from fighting back or undoing their horrible work. they're dissecting him while he's still living, taking samples for their own projects, and he...
he can't last much longer.
they - reavers, cozied up with Homines Verendi, are eager to figure out how to break down the worst of elixir's powers and weaponize it against mutantkind. and if they can't, well, they know enough about mutants to know they can harvest what they need to make more. ]
[ he hadn't expected anything to come of it. historically speaking, quentin's relationships have been short and disastrous, in part because it takes a truly peculiar, particular sort of person to deal with him, apparently. he's not easy to like, he's basically impossible to love, and for years, that's how he'd said he liked it. if he never let himself get attached to anyone, they couldn't hurt him; if he never let them get attached to him, he couldn't hurt them, either. and for a long time, that's what he'd sought in the whatever-it-was between he and josh.
but josh was evidently too fucking stubborn or too blessed dumb to push him away the way he ought to have, and he'd never asked for anything more from quentin, and so it had gone on. and on. until shaking after a bad mission, spiraling, panicking, he'd found himself in josh's bed and in his arms, his instinct to go to him instead of what he'd usually do. he should have known then that it was a bad idea to stay, that it was only going to hurt when josh woke up one day and realized quentin wasn't worth all the trouble. except he hadn't, he never had, and now--
now--
quentin has been in x-factor now for a couple of years. he takes his job seriously enough, of course, even the ugly parts. but it's never been like this before, never this fucking personal, even when it had been him captured, or his dead bodies used, or his head targeted. he doesn't care about himself, not enough for it to matter that much. not like he.. cares.. about josh. so when he finds out what's happened, where he is, he fucking explodes.
omega-level mutants, they say, have no upward limits on their abilities. krakoa shakes with the force of quentin's rage, his powers blowing outward like a psionic atom bomb. (across the galaxy, the phoenix opens its wings, screams finally!) he's in every reachable mind at once, searching, tearing through them faster, faster, energy rippling around him like a fucking hurricane as he hovers over the island. and when he finds them? he's like a bullet, like lightning, body barely able to contain the force inside it.
the humans don't stand a chance when he lands, everything his mind touches ripped to shreds, to molecules. they barely have a chance to scream, they don't get to run, and--blood streaming down his face, his own body trying to break apart, barely holding together--he shows none of them mercy, no quarter.
and then it's over.
the psionic storm dissipates as dust still stirs the air, and quentin can barely think, feels like he's coming apart at the seams, head splitting as he staggers to the hasty dissection table that had been set up to take josh apart on. there's blood everywhere, his golden skin gleaming crimson instead, and quentin's wild-eyed and shocked as he sinks down next to him, hands shaking where they hover over his body. he doesn't know what to do. he can kill, he can kill very, very well, as he'd just proven, but he wasn't made for healing, and josh isn't supposed to be hurt like this. he fires off a wild telepathic ping for anyone to pick up, fingers gently patting at his-- his-- patting at josh's face. ]
Hey, [ he says, soft and rushed and desperate. ] Hey, come on, I need you to get your shit together, okay? [ his other hand, blood-streaked, smooths pale hair back from the golden face. ] You-- You have to heal this. You have to.
[ the verendi had prepared for a war, for negotiations, for a game of chess that they were certain human intellect and ingenuity would win. they'd made a plan for josh's old classmates, for the marauders, for the x-men themselves.
they were not prepared for a phoenix. for complete annihilation. who could ever anticipate quentin would care this much.
josh certainly hadn't. his eyes open, bloodshot and exhausted, and struggle to focus on quentin's face. there's no denying that the touch soothes him, that he leans into it with everything he has and lets out a trembling breath. ]
[ he doesn't know what else to do, so he rips the bindings holding josh down even as it sends a lance of pain through his head, reaching to curl one of josh's hands between his own. he lifts it, pressing a kiss to his fingers. ]
It's me, [ he assures him, trembling, white noise whining in his head, black spotting his vision at the edges. he's seen gore worse than this in his job--he sees it all the time--but it's never affected him like this. never someone he.. cares about like this. ] No one's going to hurt you again. I-- People are coming, we're going to get you some help.
[ he reaches for his mind, telepathic touch as gentle as he can make it with violence still burning in his veins, with the first embers of the phoenix's inevitable arrival settling in his chest. he has time. weeks, maybe, or months if they're lucky. it's a small price to pay if it means he saved josh from further torture. ]
You have to show me what to do, [ he says, voice shaking, gently squeezing the hand curled between his own. ] Until someone's here to heal you, or you can do it, show me how to help you, okay?
[ he's come back from worse, he wants to say. to do something, anything, to take the tremble out of quentin's voice and touch. but lying to a telepath is pointless and neither of them have time for that right now.
his fingers curl around quentin's. holding tight. he swallows hard and tries to take stock of how bad off he is. how much damage he's done. he looks like something out of frakenstein, scifi horror come to life in all the worst ways. his injuries aren't closing because his powers aren't strong enough to seal them. he'll bleed out before he dies from shock or exposure, but he's already well on his way out. ]
Hold... Hold it closed.
[ a difficult ask. he knows quentin was built for moving mountains, not closing capillaries. ]
[ he has to look. to be able to do what josh wants him to do, he has to look at the injuries they gave him, the things they did to him. but the other option is letting him bleed out, so he looks, taking stock of every place he's bleeding with something like hysteria.
he can do this. if he can do what he just did, he can reconnect torn veins to keep josh alive. ]
Okay, [ he breathes, trying to focus, to narrow his telekinetic touch down to a small enough point. one at a time, quentin. quicker, josh is losing too much fucking blood. ] Keep talking, you have to stay awake until someone gets here.
[ he jolts, breath hiccuping with panic at the words, at the situation, at the reason josh is saying them now. ]
Don't-- Don't you fucking dare, [ he breathes, heart hammering in his chest. ] You don't get to tell me that now of all times.
[ he turns a wild-eyed glance on the other man, meeting his eyes, still holding josh together with sheer desperate determination. ] You weren't supposed to care. Not like this.
[ the first few weeks are spent at home, in his shared room with quentin and his son. noah is a delight, quickly becoming the very light of his life. josh had never thought of himself as particularly paternal but he falls into the role of new father eagerly, researching all he can on how to care for an infant. his powers give him a leg up on most parents, he knows when noah is hungry before he does and is always at the ready with a clean diaper.
but adjusting to life again is hard, and adjusting to a life with a baby is even harder. he tries at first, to get up and attend to noah's needs when he wakes up through the night, trying to make up for lost time and allowing quentin the chance to rest. he's not a single parent anymore, and the guilt he feels for leaving him to be one is insurmountable at times.
but it proves to be too stressful. he startles awake more often than not, the sudden shout of an unhappy baby in the quiet room triggering a fight or flight response. quentin has to keep him asleep through the night. some of the differences in krakoa throw him off, changes to relationships and friends end up triggering distress that he hides behind a smile. people treating him with godly reverence and - not always respecting his personal space proves to be a problem he doesn't know how to handle. don't touch me suddenly, i might kill you doesn't fit with the image of the five and runs counter to their divinity, and so he endures it until someone goes too far and he lashes out. its a mess.
going back to arbor magna helps. it gives him purpose and that seems to help with the anxiety and stress. they get back to work, reviving all those who died in his year of absence. he envies them in a way, the fact that they'll never remember their last moments.
but the problem
the problem is that this is where it happened.
and so when a mutant comes out of the egg he's always tense. it had started off so normal that day. the bodies had hatched and the professor had been awakening them, but something had gotten to them first and caught them by surprise. there were measures in place now so that couldn't happen again, the husks don't move until xavier's hand touches them. and then the professor puts their mind back in and its fine but
but
this time he doesn't know what triggered it. the husk's power is bright and flashy and loud and went off before their mind was put back in, and even if it was only a second, that was enough. josh flattens himself against the wall, hands fisting at his hair, his skin dark and lethal and the air around him turns deadly. the rest of the five try to talk him down, tell him its okay but he can't hear them in his panicked state. not even their telepathic bond is working, his mind is a torrent of chaos and fear breaking down his rationality.
hope reaches out to the only person she knows can help. he's having an episode, come quick. ]
[ he's in a meeting with a sub-committee of the council when he gets the ping. they're arguing about some minutiae of policy that he doesn't actually need to know or care about, and the only reason he's really there is because he's the phoenix. and as much as he's a weapon to be used, he's also a symbol, a figurehead: mutants, the chosen people of a cosmic creator deity.
jean's the first to notice him going stiff, followed by ororo, glances questioning as his fingers curl white-knuckled around the arms of his chair. he shakes his head once to let them know not to worry, sends jean a quick warning--don't let anyone go near the arbor magna, not until i say it's safe--and rises without so much as a by-your-leave, hurrying out and taking to the air.
pulling on his abilities, he's off like a shot, reaching out to the five as he does so. he can feel the fear, well-disguised beneath artificial calm. they're trying to keep josh calm, but they know as well as anyone that if josh truly loses control, it's going to be bad even with quentin there to stop him. back the fuck off, he spits telepathically to xavier as he lands in a flurry of psionic flames, knowing his presence isn't helping matters here. xavier, the x-men, the council-- they're the reason josh is like this in the first place, as well-meaning as they may or may not be. the good of the many, et cetera, et fucking cetera.
he steps forward, then, fearless, soothing, reaching out to brush his familiar presence against his boyfriend's mind. ]
Hey, babe, [ he greets aloud, gentle, pushing warmth and comfort at him, pressing a muffling weight over the panic taking him. ] It's been a rough day, huh? [ he presses hope's arm as he passes her, assurance that he's got this, even as his heart breaks in his chest at the terror still radiating from josh like a warding signal.
i'm here, you're safe, he says, just for him, stopping within easy reach of the other man. it's a risk if there's nothing left in there but instinct, his flames low enough not to look like a threat, but not much of a defense because of that. but he doesn't think josh has regressed that far. he offers out his hands, palm up, bare and pale and familiar.
i told you i'd never let someone hurt you again. i meant it. come back to me, josh. ]
after all this time, why is he still like this? it's quentin and he knows its quentin, but josh reels back from the offered hand. his hands balling to fists, the air around him taking on a far darker aura. there's a rush of self-hatred at his own reaction, revulsion that his first thought is to attack to secure a way to freedom.
it would be easy. quentin probably wouldn't fight back. his thoughts are frantic, trying to figure out how to dismantle the phoenix and and and
he shakes his head. his hands curling tighter in his hair. ]
Yes, you can, [ quentin says, calm but not coddling, not moving now that he's where he wants to be, hands not faltering where they wait patiently for josh's. ] I know you can, because you love me, and I know you'd do anything for me.
[ he shuts down anything in his brain that would ping as anxiety or fear, keeping his heart calm, his breathing even, allowing nothing that josh could pick up that would cause him more stress. there are so many people here, so many people in the area surrounding them. ]
But the only thing I'm ever going to ask from you is to be with me, Josh. [ he gently curls his fingers where they wait, bending enough so that he can peer up into his boyfriend's face. ] So.. be with me. I love you, and I'm going to protect you. Breathe for me, okay?
[ No one could've envisioned the boy who incited a riot to have this sort of compassion and patience, let alone for a boy who embodied everything he rallied against. Josh stares at his extended hands, shaking faintly, his white eyes aglow against the pitch black of his skin.
He tries to breathe. To stop. To relax.
He reaches out slowly. His skin slowly washing to gold as his fingers extend, loosely gripping Quentin's fingers. Slowly Josh sinks to his knees, wailing softly. ]
[ he releases a slow breath, relieved as fingers take his own, as josh's skin goes gold again. they're not out of the woods yet, and that cry makes him ache, hurting for his boyfriend, but he steps closer as josh falls to his knees. he gently presses josh's hands to his hips to let him curl his fingers there instead, and his own arms slide over the other man's shoulders, a hand cupping the back of his head, the other his nape, hugging him against his abdomen.
he strokes fingers slowly through his hair, curling telekinetic arms around him, gentle and careful. ]
I've got you, babe. [ he finds it hard to believe himself some days, that he's here, that they're here together. but if nothing else taught him compassion, parenthood did, and he's not doing anything to risk losing his child or his boyfriend. ] You're doing so good. I know you don't believe it right now, but I'm so fucking proud of you. [ he scratches fingers gently over josh's scalp, stroking through his hair, brushing the curve of his ear, slow and even, giving him physical sensation to focus on. ]
[ his mutation should be a blessing but so often it feels like a curse. he doesn't believe anything quentin says. how many times had quentin died, shrugging off the experience like it was nothing? he'd used it to improve himself.
[ he bends, pressing a kiss to his brow, then reaching beneath him, scooping him up and lifting with his telekinesis, an arm beneath his back and under his legs. he hugs him to his chest, then steps off the ground, allowing them to drift lazily into the air-- higher, higher, wreathing them both in flame to protect them from the wind as they rise above krakoa.
then he aims them toward the beach, toward an isolated little stretch of sand and rock, tucked away in a little cove. ]
Babe, [ he says gently, aloud and in josh's mind as they descend, ] you've been back less than three months, and your whole world changed while you were gone. You need to be kinder to yourself. [ they touch down on sand-worn stone, warmed from the afternoon sun, and quentin sets him on his feet again, reaching to cup his face, to look into his eyes. ] Do you really think I wasn't traumatized by my deaths? Why do you think I spent so much time aggravating you after I'd resurrect? It was better than thinking. And I didn't come back then the way you do, remembering every awful detail.
Noah grows up strong, healthy and loved. When he's five he's blessed with a little brother, and at seven a sister. Parenting is a challenge but one that they welcome with open arms, taking each day at a time and leaning on the community that has risen up around them. They say they're done and they are, for a while.
The kids are well into their teens when Josh's heat returns (unexpected and embarrassing, Noah wrangles his siblings and they spend the week at grandma's until they get the all clear to come home) and they're shocked with the expectation of a fourth.
By then, space has become divided again. The allies of mutantkind expect recipriocation for all they've given to protect them over the year. Earth seems to be safe, they've had years to perfect their defenses. Tempus does them a favor and speeds the pregnancy up so Quentin can be there for the birth of his youngest daughter, and
and then he goes. Promising to be back as soon as he's dealt with this boring little chore.
The separation is hard. The new baby less so. Codependent is putting their relationship lightly but Josh is no longer a wreck, and Noah's had almost two decades worth of experience wrangling his father's difficult moods and helping with his siblings. They're fine. They talk almost every day. On the worst ones, when their separation is the hardest and intergalactic diplomacy doesn't require shows of force, Quentin is able to use a fleet seed to steal mere minutes of their time.
And then one day the network goes down. The gates stop working. Sentinels touch down on Krakoan soil, and Moira steps out from her hiding place to try to take in the sight of yet another ending. The Five are pulled back, brought into protection, but the stronghold is attacked. The children rush to defend their parents - the next generation, the last hope, those brave souls who had never had to resurrect and shake in the face of death.
Noah's final scream for help manages to rip through the galaxy, one last desperate cry for his baba before he slips away. ]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2021-04-07 02:00 pm (UTC)instead, this morning there have been no emergencies so far, and he's so relaxed and content for probably the first time in a month that psychic phoenix flame licks the air around their bed, sparking and flaring in and out like bright little stars. it's a harmless display, and certainly not deliberate, but as it's not hurting anything and it's warming their bedroom no more than the sun streaming in through the sheer curtains, he doesn't rein in his control any tighter for now.
curled loosely with josh, eyes sleepily half-lidded and fingers playing absently with the gold ones resting on the mattress, he shifts, blinking, mind reaching carefully out for their son. ]
I can't believe he's still asleep, [ he admits, breaking the relative stillness of the morning at last. then, even more incredulously: ] .. I can't believe we got to sleep in, honestly. When was the last time neither one of us had something to take care of before fucking dawn?
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Date: 2021-04-07 02:28 pm (UTC)there was no more soul-crushing anxiety about control of his powers and the need to alienate himself from the world lest it cause him to lose control. he never thought that he'd want kids, let alone have them. that he'd settle down (with quentin, of all people. david had really never let him live that one down). or have a life that existed beyond surviving from day to day.
josh had never said the words out loud. never dared to relax for even a moment, because even with most of his worries soothed by time, he still lived with the certainty that once he did it would all be over.
but, even so, its hard to think like that right now. the bed is warmed with phoenix fire, quentin's fingers in his. the four other minds connected to his own are peaceful in their own right. there's no emergency. no need to rush out of bed to revive some unexpectedly fallen allies. their kid - sensitive and needy as the both of them - hasn't woken up and started caterwauling for attention.
he cracks one eye open and smiles faintly. ]
Careful. You're gonna jinx it.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-07 03:21 pm (UTC)[ not to be selfish, but they deserve a little time to themselves now and then. they're parents, as scary as that thought continues to be at odd moments. and for all that they're also things important to all of krakoa, being parents has to come first; quentin desperately never wants their child to go through what either of them did.
he shifts, finally pushing himself into a sitting position, reaching for josh's wrists and lifting them over his head, pinning them to the mattress with his tk as he swings a thigh over the other man's waist and sits back on his lap. one hand pushes sleep-mussed pink hair back from his face as he leans down to press a kiss to josh's jaw, his other hand braced in the center of the other man's chest. ] Maybe we can do something disgustingly domestic and family-shaped today if no one starts a war.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-07 03:30 pm (UTC)[ and he likes watching quentin. fullstop. quentin's better at it, really. quentin and power go together in a way he and power never did, but they wield it about equally. the phoenix - a host who can actually control and co-exist with it - and the number five have a terrible history, but it works here.
he tilts his head to try to catch his lips. ]
How about Disneyland?
no subject
Date: 2021-04-07 04:10 pm (UTC)[ but it's certainly true that he tends to be more aggressively assertive than josh is. part of it's just quentin's personality, of course, which hasn't changed that much since his teenage years.. but some of it's the phoenix's influence. it's a balancing act, of course, but he'd had years of warning before it had ever come for him. it waited for him, and the end result is a stable union, one more fully integrated than in prior hosts.
their people needed a stable union of host and cosmic entity. losing control has, in the past, cost them far too much. it's a concern that had initially driven him to josh, in fact, as one of the few people who could do something about it if quentin ever lost control, who could maybe even survive it.
and now here they are, considering disneyland. ] Shit, [ he laughs, quiet against the other man's throat, pressing a kiss there, too. ] Eighteen-year-old me would be screaming with horror right about now. [ then, musingly: ] Think our troublemaker is old enough to appreciate the mouse monopoly??
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Date: 2021-04-07 04:54 pm (UTC)What four year old doesn't want to see magic and castles and princesses? [ and with powerful enough psychic recall, the age isn't a problem... but then again, krakoa has all of that for real. with the danger. they've all been to otherworld.
but venturing out into the human world is a new experience. one he figures all mutant kids should probably do once in a while. if only to see the world beyond their gates, so they don't become trapped behind them by fear. ]
Plus, I always wanted to ride the teacups.
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Date: 2021-04-07 05:44 pm (UTC)his palms slide down, curling against josh's ribs, thumbs rubbing briefly over his nipples before sweeping away again. ]
The rest of the team went once when I was with the West Coast Avengers, [ he admits musingly, and finally eases his hold on josh's wrists, letting him lift them if he wants. ] But I was too busy being too edgy for amusement parks. [ and he hadn't exactly been well-loved back then.
he huffs out a breath, then sits back up again, raking his hair out of his face. ] .. Fuck, why not? It'll be a good experience for him. And we're the two most powerful mutants on the planet, nothing's going to happen. [ that almost definitely jinxed it, but honestly, he's right. if they can't keep their own son safe, they're doing something seriously wrong. ]
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Date: 2021-04-07 06:10 pm (UTC)the problem with this plan is pretty simple. as one of the five - the only one of them with true immortality, not that it matters - he's not really supposed to leave the island. a younger josh would have struggled with this reality. he'd always done best when he had the freedom to run.
this might be something of a cage. but it's one he never wants to leave. ]
If anyone gives us shit about going we can ask X-Factor to come along. Its not their usual job description but, like, they'll draw less attention than Logan trying to pretend he's a normal dude.
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Date: 2021-04-17 05:20 am (UTC)at first it had been curiosity. a mutual interest in someone who hadn't known them at their worst moments, someone who hadn't had a vested interest in the person they were and only wanted to explore the one they were now. quentin was safe to spend a heat with, safe to share his less than glowing thoughts about their situation with, safe to give his heart to because quentin never seemed to want it. which meant he wasn't keen on breaking it.
then it had been comfort. the sound of his window opening in the middle of the night stirring him from a light sleep always meant that he could sink into a deeper one. he'd lift the covers and quentin would climb into bed beside him, his racing heart slowing as fingers lazily wound together under the covers.
now it was something stronger. yet at the same time it was unspoken and tenuous, a mere thought that seemed ready to be torn apart by a strong breeze. they aren't prepared for the hurricane that blows in.
attacks on krakoa aren't new. the shores are sieged every so often by sentinels and reavers. but attacks that start in arbor magna are unheard of and the five aren't prepared for it. by the time anyone arrives, the latest batch of bodies is dead. half of the five are dead, delaying the resurrection protocols until replacements can be found. there had been bits of gore and viscera strewn all about their workshop, and their minds had been pummeled by a psychic force. proteus is in pieces. tempus has locked herself in a temporal state between life and death, pause pressed on a fatal injury until a healer can help. hope has her wits about her but she's in no shape to speak, and egg is shellshocked by the brutality he'd witnessed.
and josh is missing.
no. he's dying. that's what hope manages to tell them two days later, once the telepaths are done undoing the damage that had been done to her. something had puppeted the husks in the eggs and forced them to break out, utilizing their powers to cause as much chaos as possible. something decimated the five's physical defenses - and josh had hesitated to hurt mutants, even mindless husks, and that had cost them. the psychic link had survived, though. though all that comes through in josh's fleeting moments of consciousness is fear, dread, and a terrible pain that leaves the surviving two pale and weak. his thoughts are scrambled and disoriented, he can't give a location or even answer questions. what they pull is that he knows he's needed, that he would be nearly impossible to replace, but he's dying from wounds that he can't heal and he's afraid. they've got him cut open in a hundred different ways, his powers turned off to prevent him from fighting back or undoing their horrible work. they're dissecting him while he's still living, taking samples for their own projects, and he...
he can't last much longer.
they - reavers, cozied up with Homines Verendi, are eager to figure out how to break down the worst of elixir's powers and weaponize it against mutantkind. and if they can't, well, they know enough about mutants to know they can harvest what they need to make more. ]
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Date: 2021-04-18 01:25 am (UTC)but josh was evidently too fucking stubborn or too blessed dumb to push him away the way he ought to have, and he'd never asked for anything more from quentin, and so it had gone on. and on. until shaking after a bad mission, spiraling, panicking, he'd found himself in josh's bed and in his arms, his instinct to go to him instead of what he'd usually do. he should have known then that it was a bad idea to stay, that it was only going to hurt when josh woke up one day and realized quentin wasn't worth all the trouble. except he hadn't, he never had, and now--
now--
quentin has been in x-factor now for a couple of years. he takes his job seriously enough, of course, even the ugly parts. but it's never been like this before, never this fucking personal, even when it had been him captured, or his dead bodies used, or his head targeted. he doesn't care about himself, not enough for it to matter that much. not like he.. cares.. about josh. so when he finds out what's happened, where he is, he fucking explodes.
omega-level mutants, they say, have no upward limits on their abilities. krakoa shakes with the force of quentin's rage, his powers blowing outward like a psionic atom bomb. (across the galaxy, the phoenix opens its wings, screams finally!) he's in every reachable mind at once, searching, tearing through them faster, faster, energy rippling around him like a fucking hurricane as he hovers over the island. and when he finds them? he's like a bullet, like lightning, body barely able to contain the force inside it.
the humans don't stand a chance when he lands, everything his mind touches ripped to shreds, to molecules. they barely have a chance to scream, they don't get to run, and--blood streaming down his face, his own body trying to break apart, barely holding together--he shows none of them mercy, no quarter.
and then it's over.
the psionic storm dissipates as dust still stirs the air, and quentin can barely think, feels like he's coming apart at the seams, head splitting as he staggers to the hasty dissection table that had been set up to take josh apart on. there's blood everywhere, his golden skin gleaming crimson instead, and quentin's wild-eyed and shocked as he sinks down next to him, hands shaking where they hover over his body. he doesn't know what to do. he can kill, he can kill very, very well, as he'd just proven, but he wasn't made for healing, and josh isn't supposed to be hurt like this. he fires off a wild telepathic ping for anyone to pick up, fingers gently patting at his-- his-- patting at josh's face. ]
Hey, [ he says, soft and rushed and desperate. ] Hey, come on, I need you to get your shit together, okay? [ his other hand, blood-streaked, smooths pale hair back from the golden face. ] You-- You have to heal this. You have to.
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Date: 2021-04-18 01:59 am (UTC)they were not prepared for a phoenix. for complete annihilation. who could ever anticipate quentin would care this much.
josh certainly hadn't. his eyes open, bloodshot and exhausted, and struggle to focus on quentin's face. there's no denying that the touch soothes him, that he leans into it with everything he has and lets out a trembling breath. ]
Quentin?
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Date: 2021-04-18 02:45 am (UTC)It's me, [ he assures him, trembling, white noise whining in his head, black spotting his vision at the edges. he's seen gore worse than this in his job--he sees it all the time--but it's never affected him like this. never someone he.. cares about like this. ] No one's going to hurt you again. I-- People are coming, we're going to get you some help.
[ he reaches for his mind, telepathic touch as gentle as he can make it with violence still burning in his veins, with the first embers of the phoenix's inevitable arrival settling in his chest. he has time. weeks, maybe, or months if they're lucky. it's a small price to pay if it means he saved josh from further torture. ]
You have to show me what to do, [ he says, voice shaking, gently squeezing the hand curled between his own. ] Until someone's here to heal you, or you can do it, show me how to help you, okay?
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Date: 2021-04-18 03:01 am (UTC)his fingers curl around quentin's. holding tight. he swallows hard and tries to take stock of how bad off he is. how much damage he's done. he looks like something out of frakenstein, scifi horror come to life in all the worst ways. his injuries aren't closing because his powers aren't strong enough to seal them. he'll bleed out before he dies from shock or exposure, but he's already well on his way out. ]
Hold... Hold it closed.
[ a difficult ask. he knows quentin was built for moving mountains, not closing capillaries. ]
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Date: 2021-04-18 03:17 am (UTC)he can do this. if he can do what he just did, he can reconnect torn veins to keep josh alive. ]
Okay, [ he breathes, trying to focus, to narrow his telekinetic touch down to a small enough point. one at a time, quentin. quicker, josh is losing too much fucking blood. ] Keep talking, you have to stay awake until someone gets here.
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Date: 2021-04-18 03:21 am (UTC)I love you.
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Date: 2021-04-18 03:32 am (UTC)Don't-- Don't you fucking dare, [ he breathes, heart hammering in his chest. ] You don't get to tell me that now of all times.
[ he turns a wild-eyed glance on the other man, meeting his eyes, still holding josh together with sheer desperate determination. ] You weren't supposed to care. Not like this.
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Date: 2021-04-20 04:44 am (UTC)but adjusting to life again is hard, and adjusting to a life with a baby is even harder. he tries at first, to get up and attend to noah's needs when he wakes up through the night, trying to make up for lost time and allowing quentin the chance to rest. he's not a single parent anymore, and the guilt he feels for leaving him to be one is insurmountable at times.
but it proves to be too stressful. he startles awake more often than not, the sudden shout of an unhappy baby in the quiet room triggering a fight or flight response. quentin has to keep him asleep through the night. some of the differences in krakoa throw him off, changes to relationships and friends end up triggering distress that he hides behind a smile. people treating him with godly reverence and - not always respecting his personal space proves to be a problem he doesn't know how to handle. don't touch me suddenly, i might kill you doesn't fit with the image of the five and runs counter to their divinity, and so he endures it until someone goes too far and he lashes out. its a mess.
going back to arbor magna helps. it gives him purpose and that seems to help with the anxiety and stress. they get back to work, reviving all those who died in his year of absence. he envies them in a way, the fact that they'll never remember their last moments.
but the problem
the problem is that this is where it happened.
and so when a mutant comes out of the egg he's always tense. it had started off so normal that day. the bodies had hatched and the professor had been awakening them, but something had gotten to them first and caught them by surprise. there were measures in place now so that couldn't happen again, the husks don't move until xavier's hand touches them. and then the professor puts their mind back in and its fine but
but
this time he doesn't know what triggered it. the husk's power is bright and flashy and loud and went off before their mind was put back in, and even if it was only a second, that was enough. josh flattens himself against the wall, hands fisting at his hair, his skin dark and lethal and the air around him turns deadly. the rest of the five try to talk him down, tell him its okay but he can't hear them in his panicked state. not even their telepathic bond is working, his mind is a torrent of chaos and fear breaking down his rationality.
hope reaches out to the only person she knows can help. he's having an episode, come quick. ]
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Date: 2021-04-20 01:22 pm (UTC)jean's the first to notice him going stiff, followed by ororo, glances questioning as his fingers curl white-knuckled around the arms of his chair. he shakes his head once to let them know not to worry, sends jean a quick warning--don't let anyone go near the arbor magna, not until i say it's safe--and rises without so much as a by-your-leave, hurrying out and taking to the air.
pulling on his abilities, he's off like a shot, reaching out to the five as he does so. he can feel the fear, well-disguised beneath artificial calm. they're trying to keep josh calm, but they know as well as anyone that if josh truly loses control, it's going to be bad even with quentin there to stop him. back the fuck off, he spits telepathically to xavier as he lands in a flurry of psionic flames, knowing his presence isn't helping matters here. xavier, the x-men, the council-- they're the reason josh is like this in the first place, as well-meaning as they may or may not be. the good of the many, et cetera, et fucking cetera.
he steps forward, then, fearless, soothing, reaching out to brush his familiar presence against his boyfriend's mind. ]
Hey, babe, [ he greets aloud, gentle, pushing warmth and comfort at him, pressing a muffling weight over the panic taking him. ] It's been a rough day, huh? [ he presses hope's arm as he passes her, assurance that he's got this, even as his heart breaks in his chest at the terror still radiating from josh like a warding signal.
i'm here, you're safe, he says, just for him, stopping within easy reach of the other man. it's a risk if there's nothing left in there but instinct, his flames low enough not to look like a threat, but not much of a defense because of that. but he doesn't think josh has regressed that far. he offers out his hands, palm up, bare and pale and familiar.
i told you i'd never let someone hurt you again. i meant it. come back to me, josh. ]
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Date: 2021-04-20 11:49 pm (UTC)after all this time, why is he still like this? it's quentin and he knows its quentin, but josh reels back from the offered hand. his hands balling to fists, the air around him taking on a far darker aura. there's a rush of self-hatred at his own reaction, revulsion that his first thought is to attack to secure a way to freedom.
it would be easy. quentin probably wouldn't fight back. his thoughts are frantic, trying to figure out how to dismantle the phoenix and and and
he shakes his head. his hands curling tighter in his hair. ]
I - I can't.
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Date: 2021-04-21 12:26 am (UTC)[ he shuts down anything in his brain that would ping as anxiety or fear, keeping his heart calm, his breathing even, allowing nothing that josh could pick up that would cause him more stress. there are so many people here, so many people in the area surrounding them. ]
But the only thing I'm ever going to ask from you is to be with me, Josh. [ he gently curls his fingers where they wait, bending enough so that he can peer up into his boyfriend's face. ] So.. be with me. I love you, and I'm going to protect you. Breathe for me, okay?
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Date: 2021-04-21 12:45 am (UTC)He tries to breathe. To stop. To relax.
He reaches out slowly. His skin slowly washing to gold as his fingers extend, loosely gripping Quentin's fingers. Slowly Josh sinks to his knees, wailing softly. ]
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Date: 2021-04-21 01:03 am (UTC)he strokes fingers slowly through his hair, curling telekinetic arms around him, gentle and careful. ]
I've got you, babe. [ he finds it hard to believe himself some days, that he's here, that they're here together. but if nothing else taught him compassion, parenthood did, and he's not doing anything to risk losing his child or his boyfriend. ] You're doing so good. I know you don't believe it right now, but I'm so fucking proud of you. [ he scratches fingers gently over josh's scalp, stroking through his hair, brushing the curve of his ear, slow and even, giving him physical sensation to focus on. ]
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Date: 2021-04-21 01:25 am (UTC)and josh
crumbles with each death. ]
It was just... I didn't...
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Date: 2021-04-21 01:38 am (UTC)then he aims them toward the beach, toward an isolated little stretch of sand and rock, tucked away in a little cove. ]
Babe, [ he says gently, aloud and in josh's mind as they descend, ] you've been back less than three months, and your whole world changed while you were gone. You need to be kinder to yourself. [ they touch down on sand-worn stone, warmed from the afternoon sun, and quentin sets him on his feet again, reaching to cup his face, to look into his eyes. ] Do you really think I wasn't traumatized by my deaths? Why do you think I spent so much time aggravating you after I'd resurrect? It was better than thinking. And I didn't come back then the way you do, remembering every awful detail.
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Date: 2021-04-24 08:29 am (UTC)Noah grows up strong, healthy and loved. When he's five he's blessed with a little brother, and at seven a sister. Parenting is a challenge but one that they welcome with open arms, taking each day at a time and leaning on the community that has risen up around them. They say they're done and they are, for a while.
The kids are well into their teens when Josh's heat returns (unexpected and embarrassing, Noah wrangles his siblings and they spend the week at grandma's until they get the all clear to come home) and they're shocked with the expectation of a fourth.
By then, space has become divided again. The allies of mutantkind expect recipriocation for all they've given to protect them over the year. Earth seems to be safe, they've had years to perfect their defenses. Tempus does them a favor and speeds the pregnancy up so Quentin can be there for the birth of his youngest daughter, and
and then he goes. Promising to be back as soon as he's dealt with this boring little chore.
The separation is hard. The new baby less so. Codependent is putting their relationship lightly but Josh is no longer a wreck, and Noah's had almost two decades worth of experience wrangling his father's difficult moods and helping with his siblings. They're fine. They talk almost every day. On the worst ones, when their separation is the hardest and intergalactic diplomacy doesn't require shows of force, Quentin is able to use a fleet seed to steal mere minutes of their time.
And then one day the network goes down. The gates stop working. Sentinels touch down on Krakoan soil, and Moira steps out from her hiding place to try to take in the sight of yet another ending. The Five are pulled back, brought into protection, but the stronghold is attacked. The children rush to defend their parents - the next generation, the last hope, those brave souls who had never had to resurrect and shake in the face of death.
Noah's final scream for help manages to rip through the galaxy, one last desperate cry for his baba before he slips away. ]