[ No one could've envisioned the boy who incited a riot to have this sort of compassion and patience, let alone for a boy who embodied everything he rallied against. Josh stares at his extended hands, shaking faintly, his white eyes aglow against the pitch black of his skin.
He tries to breathe. To stop. To relax.
He reaches out slowly. His skin slowly washing to gold as his fingers extend, loosely gripping Quentin's fingers. Slowly Josh sinks to his knees, wailing softly. ]
[ he releases a slow breath, relieved as fingers take his own, as josh's skin goes gold again. they're not out of the woods yet, and that cry makes him ache, hurting for his boyfriend, but he steps closer as josh falls to his knees. he gently presses josh's hands to his hips to let him curl his fingers there instead, and his own arms slide over the other man's shoulders, a hand cupping the back of his head, the other his nape, hugging him against his abdomen.
he strokes fingers slowly through his hair, curling telekinetic arms around him, gentle and careful. ]
I've got you, babe. [ he finds it hard to believe himself some days, that he's here, that they're here together. but if nothing else taught him compassion, parenthood did, and he's not doing anything to risk losing his child or his boyfriend. ] You're doing so good. I know you don't believe it right now, but I'm so fucking proud of you. [ he scratches fingers gently over josh's scalp, stroking through his hair, brushing the curve of his ear, slow and even, giving him physical sensation to focus on. ]
[ his mutation should be a blessing but so often it feels like a curse. he doesn't believe anything quentin says. how many times had quentin died, shrugging off the experience like it was nothing? he'd used it to improve himself.
[ he bends, pressing a kiss to his brow, then reaching beneath him, scooping him up and lifting with his telekinesis, an arm beneath his back and under his legs. he hugs him to his chest, then steps off the ground, allowing them to drift lazily into the air-- higher, higher, wreathing them both in flame to protect them from the wind as they rise above krakoa.
then he aims them toward the beach, toward an isolated little stretch of sand and rock, tucked away in a little cove. ]
Babe, [ he says gently, aloud and in josh's mind as they descend, ] you've been back less than three months, and your whole world changed while you were gone. You need to be kinder to yourself. [ they touch down on sand-worn stone, warmed from the afternoon sun, and quentin sets him on his feet again, reaching to cup his face, to look into his eyes. ] Do you really think I wasn't traumatized by my deaths? Why do you think I spent so much time aggravating you after I'd resurrect? It was better than thinking. And I didn't come back then the way you do, remembering every awful detail.
You're not going to hurt us, [ quentin murmurs, pushing a few locks of hair away from josh's brow, then smoothing his palms down the other man's chest. ] You have better self-control than that. And for days when you need to hand that control up, I'm here.
[ his palms slide further down, taking josh's hands and lifting them, gathering them between his own and kissing the knuckles. ]
I didn't accept the Phoenix just to be a pretty fiery figurehead, Josh. I did it for you and for Noah, for our family and our home. [ flames lick at his fingers, gentle and harmless under his control, wreathing their laced hands. ] I can contain you. You just have to hold out long enough for me to get to you.
[ he kisses first one palm, then the other, then tilts his head back up to kiss josh's mouth, gentle and lingering. ] I love you, too. It's going to be okay, you just need time. Way more time than you've allowed yourself to have.
[ he gently presses their brows together. ] You know as well as I do that what you went through.. it's not something someone just gets over.
[ he freezes for a moment, surprised by the question, searching josh's expression. ]
.. Yes. [ he slides his arms around the other man's waist, wrists crossing at the small of his back. ] But you need to really consider whether you want me to do that before you make the decision.
[ he pushes one hand up into josh's hair as he pushes his face into his neck, stroking the back of his head and his nape, running his palm down his back. ]
It is, [ he agrees, turning his head to push his temple lightly against the top of the other man's head. ] And I'm not saying that taking those memories from you is right or wrong. That's not-- I don't think there's a right answer there. It's what's better for you, what you think you can or can't live with.
[ even though, if it were up to him, he would have taken them as soon as he woke up, or at least muffled them, taken the pain and emotion out of them. but it's not his decision to make. ]
[ a nod. the first time he'd died, the second, the third. all of them haunted him in different ways. but losing the memory - having someone in his head, even someone he loves and trusts, could open different problems.
but the third had been the worst.
the unbearable torture stayed with him no matter how hard he tried to distance himself from it. ]
[ he kisses the shell of his ear, then reaches to gently nudge his chin up so josh has to look at him. ] Give it until the weekend, okay? Think it through, and if you still want the memories gone, we'll talk about options, okay? In the meantime..
[ he shifts away from him slightly, stepping toward the edge of the rocks, where the surf hits them several feet below, frothing and crashing. then he just drops down on the stone, yanking his boots off with his tk and letting his legs dangle.
he pats the spot next to him, glancing up at his boyfriend with a crooked smile. ] David has Noah for the next hour. We might as well enjoy the break, right? [ and more importantly, it'll give josh more time to settle, to breathe, far away from the dense part of the population. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 12:45 am (UTC)He tries to breathe. To stop. To relax.
He reaches out slowly. His skin slowly washing to gold as his fingers extend, loosely gripping Quentin's fingers. Slowly Josh sinks to his knees, wailing softly. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 01:03 am (UTC)he strokes fingers slowly through his hair, curling telekinetic arms around him, gentle and careful. ]
I've got you, babe. [ he finds it hard to believe himself some days, that he's here, that they're here together. but if nothing else taught him compassion, parenthood did, and he's not doing anything to risk losing his child or his boyfriend. ] You're doing so good. I know you don't believe it right now, but I'm so fucking proud of you. [ he scratches fingers gently over josh's scalp, stroking through his hair, brushing the curve of his ear, slow and even, giving him physical sensation to focus on. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 01:25 am (UTC)and josh
crumbles with each death. ]
It was just... I didn't...
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 01:38 am (UTC)then he aims them toward the beach, toward an isolated little stretch of sand and rock, tucked away in a little cove. ]
Babe, [ he says gently, aloud and in josh's mind as they descend, ] you've been back less than three months, and your whole world changed while you were gone. You need to be kinder to yourself. [ they touch down on sand-worn stone, warmed from the afternoon sun, and quentin sets him on his feet again, reaching to cup his face, to look into his eyes. ] Do you really think I wasn't traumatized by my deaths? Why do you think I spent so much time aggravating you after I'd resurrect? It was better than thinking. And I didn't come back then the way you do, remembering every awful detail.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 02:03 am (UTC)I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't... it's always so close to the surface, and I'll lose control, and eventually I'll hurt you, or Noah.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 02:32 am (UTC)[ his palms slide further down, taking josh's hands and lifting them, gathering them between his own and kissing the knuckles. ]
I didn't accept the Phoenix just to be a pretty fiery figurehead, Josh. I did it for you and for Noah, for our family and our home. [ flames lick at his fingers, gentle and harmless under his control, wreathing their laced hands. ] I can contain you. You just have to hold out long enough for me to get to you.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 02:42 am (UTC)[ he knows. he lets out a shuddering breath. trying to focus on his breathing, to drag himself back to gold from lead. ]
I know, I know... I love you.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 02:54 am (UTC)[ he gently presses their brows together. ] You know as well as I do that what you went through.. it's not something someone just gets over.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 03:29 am (UTC)he hesitates. ]
Can you take them away? The memories?
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 03:39 am (UTC).. Yes. [ he slides his arms around the other man's waist, wrists crossing at the small of his back. ] But you need to really consider whether you want me to do that before you make the decision.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 03:48 am (UTC)I don't know. [ a shuddering breath. ] I know - we bring people back without the memory of their death because... it's too much to know.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 04:00 am (UTC)It is, [ he agrees, turning his head to push his temple lightly against the top of the other man's head. ] And I'm not saying that taking those memories from you is right or wrong. That's not-- I don't think there's a right answer there. It's what's better for you, what you think you can or can't live with.
[ even though, if it were up to him, he would have taken them as soon as he woke up, or at least muffled them, taken the pain and emotion out of them. but it's not his decision to make. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 04:51 am (UTC)but the third had been the worst.
the unbearable torture stayed with him no matter how hard he tried to distance himself from it. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 05:09 pm (UTC)[ he shifts away from him slightly, stepping toward the edge of the rocks, where the surf hits them several feet below, frothing and crashing. then he just drops down on the stone, yanking his boots off with his tk and letting his legs dangle.
he pats the spot next to him, glancing up at his boyfriend with a crooked smile. ] David has Noah for the next hour. We might as well enjoy the break, right? [ and more importantly, it'll give josh more time to settle, to breathe, far away from the dense part of the population. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-21 09:21 pm (UTC)At least I can count on David to show him how to act in a crisis.