[ look at how far quentin's come in such a short period of time. trusting other mutants enough to mind his baby. having people he'd gladly call family.
treating josh like a sure thing, rather than an annoyance who wouldn't leave him alone. a contented sigh leaves him as quentin begins to work through his hair - way too long, in sore need of a cut now. ]
You're gonna need to teach me all this baby stuff.
[ his fingers in josh's hair hesitate, suddenly and inexplicably uncertain. ] I-- [ he pauses a few moments, then begins to move again, lathering the shampoo in josh's hair and carefully wiping it away from his hairline so it doesn't drip down into his eyes. ]
You know.. you don't have to be his dad. [ he presses him back so he can rinse the soap back out, glancing down into his face as he does, a line between his brows. ] I mean, I didn't exactly consult you on having him or anything. You didn't ask for him, and we didn't.. that is, just because we said what we said doesn't mean-- [ a pause, frustrated with his own stammering. ] .. I wouldn't hold it against you if all of this is just too much right now.
[ he's literally just come back from the dead, after all, and to a partner or boyfriend or whatever quentin is or was, who is very different from the one he'd left. and to a child he'd known nothing about, that he hadn't asked for, that maybe he wouldn't have wanted even if things had been different. ]
he woke up and the world is different. but it isn't the first time. josh's smile turns a little rueful, fingers lifting to brush quentin's hair back from his face. ]
I can't promise I'm gonna be perfect. Or - or that I'm not gonna freak out a little down the line. I never... [ his brow scrunches. ] I never come back right. The way I was, when I left. [ and its never.... immediate. he's sick, not physically, but mentally. he can't control his emotions. the flashbacks usually come and he can't stop them. no doubt the council is currently more preoccupied with the risk he poses than the excitement for him being back. magneto had found him on that island, seen just how traumatizing the life and death cycle can be on him. ] It might not even be safe for you to be near me, so if you... like, want me to go somewhere for a while until we're sure I'm safe, that's fine.
But if you'd told me when it happened, or let me sense it, and - and like, I'm not mad you didn't either, I get it - I'd have been excited. Freaked out and all but, excited. I love you, and I loved you before there was a baby in the mix. [ his smile warms a little. ] And if I got you pregnant in the first place that means I, like, was ready and wanted it, if you did. 'cause I've been shooting blanks since, y'know... M-Day.
[ he tilts his head a little into the brush of josh's fingers, quiet, searching his face, mind pressing gently at the other man's. ] I'm not worried about that. You don't have to be perfect, and you don't have to be self-conscious at-- at being traumatized, or struggling. We'll figure it out, and if you need space, or you need me to-- to back off for a while, or stick closer, or anything, you tell me. [ still supporting his head, he bends to kiss him, then eases him upright again. ] I'll monitor you for as long as it seems necessary. If you think it's necessary.
[ if josh is legitimately worried about being a danger at some point.
he takes the conditioner, then, pouring some into his hands and smoothing them through the other man's hair, his lips finally curling. ] .. Anyway, so.. what, unconsciously you wanted to knock me up? [ he huffs a laugh. ] Keep me barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen so I stayed out of trouble? [ but the thought warms him anyway, knowing that somewhere in josh's subconscious, he'd wanted a family with quentin. that some part of him had thought quentin would make a good parent.
he glances back toward the open door of the bedroom, mind briefly touching their son's sleeping one, dreaming soft baby dreams. ]
.. I guess he really is kind of a miracle. [ there were so many things that could have gone wrong, that might not have happened to create him, and yet here he is. ]
[ but he appreciates it. all of it. being able to come home and have a family, a life, when he'd been denied both for so long. even if he's worried about destroying it. ]
If it wasn't you, it probably would've been me after my next heat. The fact that I started having them should've been a giveaway, but I figured, like, there was no way... [ he wrinkles his nose. ] Guess we're gonna need to start using condoms?
He's the sign of a new start. [ and he's glad that quentin wasn't alone. ]
I'd set the kitchen on fire, [ he confirms smugly, plucking up the soap and lathering his hands. he strokes them lightly over josh's shoulders, then down over his chest, working the soap over as much of his body as he can reach. ]
Seems like. [ god, that's another thing to address, isn't it? his heats now, with the phoenix as part of him-- ] Unless you can turn yours back off when you want. Otherwise-- [ an amused sound, handing the soap to josh to finish what he can't reach. ] --guess one of us will have to pick up a box sometime.
[ he picks up the slack, carefully scrubbing himself clean. reaffirming his connection with his body as he does so - but his hands shy away from the scars. ]
Might be a while before I have another one. [ a long while. he doesn't know precisely what was done to him, but he knows they'd been interested in making
more
of him. studying how mutant anatomy works. it took him years to get comfortable and safe enough to have a heat, he imagines it'll be a while off before he's ready for another one. ]
That's okay, [ he says, firm but gentle. ] Whatever happens or doesn't happen, what matters is that you're safe and you're recovering. Even if it takes a long time. [ he smooths a hand down his back, then nudges him forward so he can start washing himself, too, matter-of-fact and almost impatient with his own cleanliness.
once he's done, he climbs out of the tub and wraps a towel around himself, letting josh finish rinsing his hair and body as he gathers a couple more towels up. ]
.. I've only had one since Noah was born, and trust me, it was enough for both of us. [ between grief and stress, he'd thankfully been spared them for the most part, but last month had been.. rough. he'd gone back on suppressants afterward, for what little good they may do in a body charged by a cosmic force.
he shakes out the towel, holding it up so he can wrap it around the other man when he rises. ]
You may have to next time it rolls around, [ he admits, a little embarrassed as he drapes the second towel over josh's head, drying his hair. ] I spent it with Evan and Idie, and they almost couldn't handle it. [ and they're both alphas. well-established, comfortable with each other and omegas in heat, and more importantly, it wasn't the first time quentin's ever spent a heat with one or both of them.
he pushes the towel down around josh's neck. ] Anyway, it's a problem for later. [ hopefully not for a while longer. ] Let me find your clothes. I-- They're in a.. box.
[ he gives him a look that's a combination of embarrassed and unhappy, but squares his shoulders a moment later and ushers him back out into their bedroom, following behind after he lets the water out of the tub.
he pulls on the first thing he finds, which is an oversized t-shirt, then goes to the closet, finding the box he wants immediately. this.. isn't the first time he's opened it to pull something of josh's out, although at least it's been a while since he sat on the floor and fucking cried on it.
he pulls out some clothes for him that'll be comfortable to rest and sleep in, bringing them back to the bed and offering them out. ] Sorry, it's just.. it was too hard to see it all every day.
[ his sleep clothes have always been a jersery and pajama pants. the pajama pants had been upgraded from a scratchy cotton mess to something silken and soft at quentin's request. ]
It would've been harder coming into find everything all... like... dusty.
[ .. god. yeah, he can imagine. waking up after being gone for so long, longer than he's ever been gone before, to a room that looks like it was forgotten, to a life where people have just.. moved on. ]
That was never going to happen. Even if I hadn't moved in, I think I would have still spent time here sometimes.
Don't call me sweet, [ he complains into the kiss, hands coming up to gently cup the sides of josh's neck, thumbs stroking his jaw.
when they part, he's scowling. ] Dumbass. I wasn't going to-- I couldn't. Even if I wanted to, I didn't know how. [ he pushes their brows together. ] I don't just.. fall in love easily.
[ to be honest, he hadn't liked him much at first, at least in part out of sheer spite. after all, josh is easy to like, he's beautiful, his powers make him invaluable, and if not for him, krakoa wouldn't really exist. slowly, though, quentin had started seeing.. more of him, more of who he was beneath elixir.
there had been days even near the end when he'd still wanted to bully him out of sheer frustration, but that had just been quentin's personality, really. ]
It's never going to happen again, [ he agrees, firm, even grim. he doesn't even want to think about josh being gone that long, coming back to meet his grown son, a partner that's more phoenix than quentin quire, that doesn't know how to be what he needs anymore. ] .. What's that saying? I guess we should "count our blessings." In a few months, Noah won't even know you were ever gone.
[ no. but he still missed those moments. his blank eyes cut to the crib, considering all the little wonders he'd never know. from the first time he kicked to the first attempts at words.
Hey. [ he strokes his thumb over josh's jaw again, following his glance to the crib. ] Lucky for you, your boyfriend's a telepath. I'll give you everything you missed. I know it's not the same as being there yourself, but..
[ he lets himself be pulled down, curling with him almost cautiously, chest going tight again at how familiar it still is. it's just one more thing he's missed about josh, about being with josh.
he slides his arm over his waist, curling in close against him, blinking at the hopeful question. ]
.. Oh. [ a startled hitch of his breathing, and his palm slides up beneath josh's shirt, nails scratching gently at his back. ] That-- I'd like that. We both would. [ and they can get a sitter if they want to just.. do something as a couple. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 04:31 am (UTC)treating josh like a sure thing, rather than an annoyance who wouldn't leave him alone. a contented sigh leaves him as quentin begins to work through his hair - way too long, in sore need of a cut now. ]
You're gonna need to teach me all this baby stuff.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 12:36 pm (UTC)You know.. you don't have to be his dad. [ he presses him back so he can rinse the soap back out, glancing down into his face as he does, a line between his brows. ] I mean, I didn't exactly consult you on having him or anything. You didn't ask for him, and we didn't.. that is, just because we said what we said doesn't mean-- [ a pause, frustrated with his own stammering. ] .. I wouldn't hold it against you if all of this is just too much right now.
[ he's literally just come back from the dead, after all, and to a partner or boyfriend or whatever quentin is or was, who is very different from the one he'd left. and to a child he'd known nothing about, that he hadn't asked for, that maybe he wouldn't have wanted even if things had been different. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 09:59 pm (UTC)he woke up and the world is different. but it isn't the first time. josh's smile turns a little rueful, fingers lifting to brush quentin's hair back from his face. ]
I can't promise I'm gonna be perfect. Or - or that I'm not gonna freak out a little down the line. I never... [ his brow scrunches. ] I never come back right. The way I was, when I left. [ and its never.... immediate. he's sick, not physically, but mentally. he can't control his emotions. the flashbacks usually come and he can't stop them. no doubt the council is currently more preoccupied with the risk he poses than the excitement for him being back. magneto had found him on that island, seen just how traumatizing the life and death cycle can be on him. ] It might not even be safe for you to be near me, so if you... like, want me to go somewhere for a while until we're sure I'm safe, that's fine.
But if you'd told me when it happened, or let me sense it, and - and like, I'm not mad you didn't either, I get it - I'd have been excited. Freaked out and all but, excited. I love you, and I loved you before there was a baby in the mix. [ his smile warms a little. ] And if I got you pregnant in the first place that means I, like, was ready and wanted it, if you did. 'cause I've been shooting blanks since, y'know... M-Day.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 11:27 pm (UTC)[ if josh is legitimately worried about being a danger at some point.
he takes the conditioner, then, pouring some into his hands and smoothing them through the other man's hair, his lips finally curling. ] .. Anyway, so.. what, unconsciously you wanted to knock me up? [ he huffs a laugh. ] Keep me barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen so I stayed out of trouble? [ but the thought warms him anyway, knowing that somewhere in josh's subconscious, he'd wanted a family with quentin. that some part of him had thought quentin would make a good parent.
he glances back toward the open door of the bedroom, mind briefly touching their son's sleeping one, dreaming soft baby dreams. ]
.. I guess he really is kind of a miracle. [ there were so many things that could have gone wrong, that might not have happened to create him, and yet here he is. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 11:34 pm (UTC)[ but he appreciates it. all of it. being able to come home and have a family, a life, when he'd been denied both for so long. even if he's worried about destroying it. ]
If it wasn't you, it probably would've been me after my next heat. The fact that I started having them should've been a giveaway, but I figured, like, there was no way... [ he wrinkles his nose. ] Guess we're gonna need to start using condoms?
He's the sign of a new start. [ and he's glad that quentin wasn't alone. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 11:58 pm (UTC)Seems like. [ god, that's another thing to address, isn't it? his heats now, with the phoenix as part of him-- ] Unless you can turn yours back off when you want. Otherwise-- [ an amused sound, handing the soap to josh to finish what he can't reach. ] --guess one of us will have to pick up a box sometime.
[ when josh is ready. when they're both ready. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 12:04 am (UTC)[ he picks up the slack, carefully scrubbing himself clean. reaffirming his connection with his body as he does so - but his hands shy away from the scars. ]
Might be a while before I have another one. [ a long while. he doesn't know precisely what was done to him, but he knows they'd been interested in making
more
of him. studying how mutant anatomy works. it took him years to get comfortable and safe enough to have a heat, he imagines it'll be a while off before he's ready for another one. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 12:30 am (UTC)once he's done, he climbs out of the tub and wraps a towel around himself, letting josh finish rinsing his hair and body as he gathers a couple more towels up. ]
.. I've only had one since Noah was born, and trust me, it was enough for both of us. [ between grief and stress, he'd thankfully been spared them for the most part, but last month had been.. rough. he'd gone back on suppressants afterward, for what little good they may do in a body charged by a cosmic force.
he shakes out the towel, holding it up so he can wrap it around the other man when he rises. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 12:39 am (UTC)I should be able to help manage it. [ he steps into the towel, drying himself off. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 12:55 am (UTC)he pushes the towel down around josh's neck. ] Anyway, it's a problem for later. [ hopefully not for a while longer. ] Let me find your clothes. I-- They're in a.. box.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 01:02 am (UTC)[ the stamina that'd require. yikes. he's about to say something else but
ah
right. ]
Yeah, okay.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 01:08 am (UTC)he pulls on the first thing he finds, which is an oversized t-shirt, then goes to the closet, finding the box he wants immediately. this.. isn't the first time he's opened it to pull something of josh's out, although at least it's been a while since he sat on the floor and fucking cried on it.
he pulls out some clothes for him that'll be comfortable to rest and sleep in, bringing them back to the bed and offering them out. ] Sorry, it's just.. it was too hard to see it all every day.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 01:12 am (UTC)[ his sleep clothes have always been a jersery and pajama pants. the pajama pants had been upgraded from a scratchy cotton mess to something silken and soft at quentin's request. ]
It would've been harder coming into find everything all... like... dusty.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 01:17 am (UTC)That was never going to happen. Even if I hadn't moved in, I think I would have still spent time here sometimes.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 01:22 am (UTC)That's sweet.
[ but. ]
It would've been okay. If you'd, like... moved on, y'know.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 01:25 am (UTC)when they part, he's scowling. ] Dumbass. I wasn't going to-- I couldn't. Even if I wanted to, I didn't know how. [ he pushes their brows together. ] I don't just.. fall in love easily.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 01:29 am (UTC)Its not gonna happen again, so... so we don't need to worry about it or anything. I'm just glad I didn't leave you waiting decades.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 01:52 am (UTC)there had been days even near the end when he'd still wanted to bully him out of sheer frustration, but that had just been quentin's personality, really. ]
It's never going to happen again, [ he agrees, firm, even grim. he doesn't even want to think about josh being gone that long, coming back to meet his grown son, a partner that's more phoenix than quentin quire, that doesn't know how to be what he needs anymore. ] .. What's that saying? I guess we should "count our blessings." In a few months, Noah won't even know you were ever gone.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 01:58 am (UTC)he shakes the thought aside. ]
Yeah. I'll make up for the time missed too.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 02:02 am (UTC)[ it's something. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 02:05 am (UTC)a pity quentin's stuck so close, feeling how giddy that term makes him. he can't hide it. ]
I'd like that.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 02:12 am (UTC).. I mean, we are, aren't we? At least. [ they have a child together. they're going to raise him together. that's kind of boyfriend status. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 02:15 am (UTC)[ he sinks back down against the mattress, reaching up to pull quentin down with him. ]
This mean I can finally take you out on a date? Like, a family date?
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 02:27 am (UTC)he slides his arm over his waist, curling in close against him, blinking at the hopeful question. ]
.. Oh. [ a startled hitch of his breathing, and his palm slides up beneath josh's shirt, nails scratching gently at his back. ] That-- I'd like that. We both would. [ and they can get a sitter if they want to just.. do something as a couple. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-20 02:31 am (UTC)[ he lets out a contented sigh, his heavy eyelids sliding shut. ]
I'm the luckiest guy in the world.