that's a lot longer than he's been gone before. he missed quentin's entire pregnancy. missed the birth of his son. krakoa - krakoa was still standing, but he can feel the ache in its heart.
and if he focuses on that, he's going to lose it. ]
Okay. [ it's strained. repeated a few times. he's still not all there. but slowly, the lead color recedes. josh is gold again. gold and terribly disoriented. he doesn't reach for the baby despite how badly he wants to, afraid that he'll hurt him. ]
[ josh still isn't okay by a long shot, but one thing at a time. he's gold again, safe again for the moment, and so quentin finally closes the last few steps between them, freeing a hand from around noah to reach for him at last.
the first touch of his fingers to josh's skin, warm and alive, nearly staggers him. he has to choke down an overwhelmed sob, fingers curling against his jaw, shaking as he pushes his brow briefly against the other man's temple.
he withdraws again a moment later to keep from overstimulating josh, turning to hope and the others with a strained smile. ] Keep anyone out for tonight, at least. We're going to be fine, but I'm not letting anyone but you guys near him at least for a couple of days. [ josh needs time to recover without people with expectations breathing down his neck. he needs the chance to.. get to know his family again, and to meet his son.
he'll deal with his own responsibilities tomorrow, canceling appointments and requests for the phoenix for the rest of the week. the whole fucking planet owes him this much. ]
[ quentin is safe. quentin is responsible for him. quentin loves him, he remembers that, and so josh follows without question. his legs are wobbly from disuse but he gets them under him, eager to escape the glass box he'd been in, still afraid to touch in case he can't control it.
he smells like roses, at least, rather than blood and decay. perfectly preserved roses. and his eyes don't leave noah's sweet little face. ]
[ he bolsters him with his telekinesis the whole way, keeping him steady, letting him use his legs without risk of falling. noah watches him back, thumb in his mouth and head on his baba's shoulder, but quentin.. can't. not until they're safely in their rooms, at least.
when he closes the door behind them at last, it's to a bedroom that's changed a great deal since josh died. most of his belongings are packed away in boxes in the closet, though a few sentimental items still sit on walls and tables and the dresser. everything else has been replaced by quentin and the baby's things. his clothes hang in half the closet, there's a crib in one corner and toys strung across the floor. ]
.. I moved in a month or two after you died, [ he says softly, and sinks down on the edge of the bed with noah, settling him into his lap. the baby leans back against him, still sucking busily at his thumb, looking tired out from all the excitement earlier. quentin pats the bed beside him, brows knit, the flames finally entirely gone from around him. ] Do you want to hold him? We-- We've been coming to see you since he was born. [ he smooths wild pink hair down, smiling a little as noah squirms at the attention. ] I wanted him to see you, even if..
[ he sits heavily on his bed. quentin's bed. their bed? it had been that nearer to the end. he's starting to feel more like himself, quentin's words are easier to parse now that he's not overwhelmed and ready to lasho ut. ]
Yes. [ he says softly. ] I don't know if that's safe.
[ how safe he is. he starts to reach out and stops himself. ]
[ as josh sits, quentin reaches for him, curling his hand around the other man's and lifting it to his mouth, pressing his lips to the fingers in an echo of some of their last moments together. ]
Don't. It's not-- None of it's your fault.
[ josh had been as well-protected as they'd known to do at the time, and he'd been captured anyway. quentin hadn't realized quickly enough, hadn't moved fast enough. if it's anyone's fault, it's his-- but he doesn't have the luxury of indulging those kinds of thoughts anymore. he's the phoenix, and he has a baby to take care of, a nation to protect. and now josh is back, and he's not going to let anything happen to him again.
he turns his head to press a kiss to the other man's shoulder, then shifts, bouncing noah gently in his lap before lifting him, placing him in josh's arms instead.
immediately, noah stills, tilting his head back to peer up in fascination at the gold-skinned man. he pulls his thumb out of his mouth, reaching up to push little hands against his face, grasping at him. ]
[ terror is the first thing he feels. looking down into that tiny face, feeling how fragile and new the little body in his arms is. noah has quentin's eyes, quentin's hair, but his mutation. his boldness. the baby grabs handfuls of his face and josh
stares
and feels his eyes burn with tears at everything he'd missed. ]
Hi, little guy.
[ his son. undeniably his son. he bites his lip and shifts the child in his arms. ]
[ quentin shifts in against his side, sliding his arm around josh's waist from behind, hand resting protectively against his hip. the tears wound him, knowing what they're for. nothing can change the fact that he's been gone so long. nothing can change what he missed. quentin's pregnancy, noah's birth, six entire months of noah's life. all the little everyday things, the milestones he reached.
but quentin's a telepath, and although he can't give him back that time, he can at least give him his own memories of those things. later, once josh is recovered a little more, once he's ready.
on his lap, noah exclaims, the ba! he uses for quentin, glancing toward his baba and then back to josh again. he teeters a little in his dad's arms, then tips forward, hands fisting in his clothing, little face rubbing sleepily against his chest. ]
I can't believe you're back, [ quentin murmurs, voice trembling faintly, free hand rubbing at noah's back as the baby squirms to get comfortable. .. it still feels surreal that he's here, that he can speak to him and touch him again, warm and real and alive. ] Noah's going to love you so much.
[ his voice stalls as he leans into quentin's embrace. he can't die. that's - that's part of his powerset. something that has frightened him beyond words, the idea that eventually everyone else will die and he'll be left as bitter and cynical as every other immortal mutant.
i've missed so much and i've never been gone so long before war in his mind.
but there's one thing he needs to set right. ]
I love you. [ and, softly, to the sleepy baby in his arms. ] And you.
[ his breathing hitches, and he reaches up for josh's face, turning it toward him to brush his lips over his. he presses a second kiss to the corner of his mouth, then a third to his jaw. ] .. I love you, too. [ a shaky exhale. ] I love you. [ he hasn't been able to say it out loud like this since that day. ] And we're going to be together for as long as you'll have me.
[ he knows, of course. still twined telepathically around him, how could he not hear what josh is thinking, what he's worrying about?
he lifts his hand again, psionic flame wreathing his fingers, brushing harmlessly against josh's cheek. he's the phoenix, and as long as he's the phoenix, he'll be at his boyfriend's side. ] We're going to figure it out, okay? [ as.. a family. the three of them, any other children they have. but it's not something josh should be dwelling on right now, either. ]
Did you want to put him down? It's pretty close to his bedtime, anyway. [ and the other man could probably use a shower, a change of clothes, and.. well, they'll go from there. ]
[ they'll need to talk about that too. about what quentin went through while he was gone, how he's coping. but for now he sinks into the familiar comforting presence. admires the fire that doesn't burn him. ]
Yeah.
[ he offers the sleepy baby back to his - mate? boyfriend? they'd never settled on labels. he was fairly certain they never would, prior to this. ]
[ he kisses him once more as he accepts noah into his arms again, rising from the bed to carry him across the room to the crib. he takes a few minutes to settle him in, shushing the last sleepy whines and tucking the blanket around him, the little stuffed cat he's attached to placed within easy reach.
then he crosses to josh again, stepping between his knees and reaching with both hands to smooth his too-long hair back from his face, cupping the back of his head with tender, helpless affection. ]
How are you feeling? [ his thumbs brush josh's temples, blue eyes peering into the whiteness of his partner's. ] If you're up to it, I'll start a bath? [ it's.. strange being able to do this again, to touch him, to hold him. he's been so focused on noah, on his work, since josh died that he'd.. forgotten what this was like. ]
[ like a way to scrub himself clean of everything that happened. ]
I'm not... [ all the way online yet. there are still parts firing up, the damage to his brain repairing itself. mercifully its in tact. he's not doomed to die and come back like logan, his body making new tissue to replace whatever died and thus erasing his memories in the process. revival is a painful process, but he's got it well enough in hand that he's no longer feeling the worst of it. ] I'm not all here just yet.
[ his hands slowly come up to cover quentin's. curling around them protectively. ]
[ he reaches out, barely paying attention to it as he plugs the tub in the bathroom and flips the faucet on. he's about to urge josh up off the bed and usher him out of these clothes he'd worn as a corpse, because if nothing else, the warm water should hopefully help him relax, give him a chance to just let himself recover. but then he speaks again.
quentin's chest goes tight, breath hitching hard once in his chest. before he can stop them, tears well up in his eyes, spilling down his face. he's managed all this time. he's done okay. he'd grieved, and then he'd-- he'd moved on, or tried. he'd had to. but now josh is back, and all the things he's struggled to keep down, to ignore are right here.
he frees a hand to rub the back of it angrily over his face. why the fuck is he crying? he's fine. he's fine, and josh is here with him again, and he's not.. going anywhere, right? quentin won't let anything like that happen again. ]
I know, [ he manages shakily, shoulders rolling inward, turning his head away as the tears keep falling. ] I-- It's not your fault. What they did to you--
[ he doesn't want to think about it. the memory is there, sharp and ready to cut them both, but he forces it down. instead he gets to his feet and cups quentin's face in his hands.
he's still nervous to touch. afraid that -- that, the rage he worked so hard to surpress -- will rear up. but he's more afraid of leaving those tears unattended. he bites his lip, smoothing a thumb along his cheek. ]
I'm fine, [ he says, and if it's not entirely the truth, it's not important right now anyway. josh shouldn't be worrying about him, tears or no. not now. not when he's still recovering.
he slides his own hands against josh's waist, squeezing him gently. ] .. Never again.
[ he leans in the short distance between them, pressing their brows together lightly, eyes sliding shut. ] We're going to be okay, aren't we? You're going to be okay.
You're not broken. [ you're not dangerous. no more than any of us are. i'm going to keep this place safe, so you and noah are safe.
his arms slide more firmly around him, pulling them together more closely, so he can feel the rise and fall of josh's chest against his. ] .. I love you, and I don't-- you know I don't love easily. I'm not going to let this happen again. [ his palms slide up his back, fingers dragging soothingly back down. ] And you have time to-- As much time as you need. [ if the council comes sniffing around before josh is ready--if he's ever ready--quentin will fucking bury them.
he draws back enough to meet his eyes again, smiling wanly. ] Come on, let's get you in the bath. [ he tugs at the clothing josh was laid to rest in--one of his uniforms--and starts easing it open so the other man can slide out of it. ]
[ the golden skin isn't flawless as it once was. there are marks. physical representation of the psychological scars. josh's mind cataloguing the pain, straining against the memory (i was damaged here) and the reality (i'm alive now). it'll take time.
its kintsugi in reverse. gold mended back together with hard black lines.
he lets quentin undress him and doesn't look. biting his lip and looking away. ]
It's been a year. We're - we're way behind, I can't just... [ take more time. take any more time for himself. that's selfish, selfish, selfish. ]
Shut up, [ he says firmly, even angrily, though his hands remain gentle, nearly reverent as they undress his partner. he never thought he'd have this again, not really. he thought he'd be alone again, alone forever-- the phoenix too much, too terrifying, too dangerous for someone else to truly risk being with. ] You can and you will.
[ he kneels to help him step out of the rest of his uniform, glance lifting as he steadies him, a hand resting gently against the back of his thigh. ] A few more weeks won't make a difference, and we haven't-- the last large.. number of people we lost was during the attack that killed you. Since then, one or two here or there. [ his hand slides away, glance flicking aside as he rises again. ] .. I haven't been particularly forgiving.
[ none of them have been, and few have been stupid enough to attack krakoa in the first place. ]
[ raised voices are the easiest way to win an argument. quentin knows best in this situation, what they need. and where to draw the line.
he knows the quiet council will be on their doorstep before long. asking for his help. that was always his experience with the x-men, and why his first and only compulsion is to return where he's needed rather than where he should be. ]
Okay. [ it's enough for now to just be breathing. his gaze cuts to the bath. ] Let's not...
[ he takes a breath, releases it, and any anger with it. a year ago, he might have pushed, might have insisted, might have fought just to have the last word or to piss josh off enough to make him react. but between parenthood and how deeply necessary it is for him to manage his emotional state, he's not who he was back then. ]
Okay, [ he echoes, and curls his fingers briefly with josh's, squeezing them. he ushers him toward the bath, telekinetically dumping a bath bomb into the steaming water as he undresses himself, too.
there are a few new scars on his own body as he steps toward the tub, but otherwise, he's much the same was he was. he takes a few moments to pull his own hair--longer than he used to keep it--into a messy bun, then gently nudges josh forward so he can slip into the water behind him. he eases the other man back against his chest, his arms sliding over his shoulders from behind, lips pressing briefly to the shell of his ear. ] .. We weren't alone. I mean.. the other members of the Five have been good to us, as much as they used to hate me.
he can feel it in the bond they share. their fondness for quentin, for noah. how they'd held onto him because he - he was the last piece of josh they had left. he sinks back against quentin and shuts his eyes, enjoys the heat of the bath warming his chilled skin. ]
They didn't hate you. [ well. okay. hope hated him some days. josh hated him others. ] They just... didn't get you. Once you let people know you, like... of course they were gonna love you and the baby.
[ he snorts a little at the denial, but doesn't bother saying anything else about it. it doesn't really matter anymore, anyway-- they'd all clung together in their grief, and now they're as close to family as quentin's ever had. at least, before josh and noah.
he wets his hands, gently works one through josh's hair, dampening it carefully, keeping the water from dripping into his eyes. ]
It was like they lost part of their soul. [ it was like that for quentin, too, just in a different way. ] We were all a fucking disaster for a long time. I think it-- [ a pause, fingers stilling against josh. ] The pregnancy was.. hard sometimes, and I think it.. gave them something to focus on other than how awful it was that you weren't there.
[ he understands. when their connection had been severed, however briefly, it had ached like he'd lost a limb. he can't imagine living like that every day, day in day out, missing part of himself.
and quentin.
a phoenix. a parent. so much had changed, and he... seems gentler. softer. all his sharp edges had been worn down by tragedy, but what lay underneath was just as lovely. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 06:39 pm (UTC)that's a lot longer than he's been gone before. he missed quentin's entire pregnancy. missed the birth of his son. krakoa - krakoa was still standing, but he can feel the ache in its heart.
and if he focuses on that, he's going to lose it. ]
Okay. [ it's strained. repeated a few times. he's still not all there. but slowly, the lead color recedes. josh is gold again. gold and terribly disoriented. he doesn't reach for the baby despite how badly he wants to, afraid that he'll hurt him. ]
Lets go home.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 06:54 pm (UTC)the first touch of his fingers to josh's skin, warm and alive, nearly staggers him. he has to choke down an overwhelmed sob, fingers curling against his jaw, shaking as he pushes his brow briefly against the other man's temple.
he withdraws again a moment later to keep from overstimulating josh, turning to hope and the others with a strained smile. ] Keep anyone out for tonight, at least. We're going to be fine, but I'm not letting anyone but you guys near him at least for a couple of days. [ josh needs time to recover without people with expectations breathing down his neck. he needs the chance to.. get to know his family again, and to meet his son.
he'll deal with his own responsibilities tomorrow, canceling appointments and requests for the phoenix for the rest of the week. the whole fucking planet owes him this much. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 07:20 pm (UTC)he smells like roses, at least, rather than blood and decay. perfectly preserved roses. and his eyes don't leave noah's sweet little face. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 07:38 pm (UTC)when he closes the door behind them at last, it's to a bedroom that's changed a great deal since josh died. most of his belongings are packed away in boxes in the closet, though a few sentimental items still sit on walls and tables and the dresser. everything else has been replaced by quentin and the baby's things. his clothes hang in half the closet, there's a crib in one corner and toys strung across the floor. ]
.. I moved in a month or two after you died, [ he says softly, and sinks down on the edge of the bed with noah, settling him into his lap. the baby leans back against him, still sucking busily at his thumb, looking tired out from all the excitement earlier. quentin pats the bed beside him, brows knit, the flames finally entirely gone from around him. ] Do you want to hold him? We-- We've been coming to see you since he was born. [ he smooths wild pink hair down, smiling a little as noah squirms at the attention. ] I wanted him to see you, even if..
[ even if josh never woke up. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 07:44 pm (UTC)Yes. [ he says softly. ] I don't know if that's safe.
[ how safe he is. he starts to reach out and stops himself. ]
... I'm sorry. I should've... been there.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 08:01 pm (UTC)Don't. It's not-- None of it's your fault.
[ josh had been as well-protected as they'd known to do at the time, and he'd been captured anyway. quentin hadn't realized quickly enough, hadn't moved fast enough. if it's anyone's fault, it's his-- but he doesn't have the luxury of indulging those kinds of thoughts anymore. he's the phoenix, and he has a baby to take care of, a nation to protect. and now josh is back, and he's not going to let anything happen to him again.
he turns his head to press a kiss to the other man's shoulder, then shifts, bouncing noah gently in his lap before lifting him, placing him in josh's arms instead.
immediately, noah stills, tilting his head back to peer up in fascination at the gold-skinned man. he pulls his thumb out of his mouth, reaching up to push little hands against his face, grasping at him. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 08:09 pm (UTC)stares
and feels his eyes burn with tears at everything he'd missed. ]
Hi, little guy.
[ his son. undeniably his son. he bites his lip and shifts the child in his arms. ]
I... I'm your dad.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 08:38 pm (UTC)but quentin's a telepath, and although he can't give him back that time, he can at least give him his own memories of those things. later, once josh is recovered a little more, once he's ready.
on his lap, noah exclaims, the ba! he uses for quentin, glancing toward his baba and then back to josh again. he teeters a little in his dad's arms, then tips forward, hands fisting in his clothing, little face rubbing sleepily against his chest. ]
I can't believe you're back, [ quentin murmurs, voice trembling faintly, free hand rubbing at noah's back as the baby squirms to get comfortable. .. it still feels surreal that he's here, that he can speak to him and touch him again, warm and real and alive. ] Noah's going to love you so much.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 08:42 pm (UTC)[ his voice stalls as he leans into quentin's embrace. he can't die. that's - that's part of his powerset. something that has frightened him beyond words, the idea that eventually everyone else will die and he'll be left as bitter and cynical as every other immortal mutant.
i've missed so much and i've never been gone so long before war in his mind.
but there's one thing he needs to set right. ]
I love you. [ and, softly, to the sleepy baby in his arms. ] And you.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 09:06 pm (UTC)[ he knows, of course. still twined telepathically around him, how could he not hear what josh is thinking, what he's worrying about?
he lifts his hand again, psionic flame wreathing his fingers, brushing harmlessly against josh's cheek. he's the phoenix, and as long as he's the phoenix, he'll be at his boyfriend's side. ] We're going to figure it out, okay? [ as.. a family. the three of them, any other children they have. but it's not something josh should be dwelling on right now, either. ]
Did you want to put him down? It's pretty close to his bedtime, anyway. [ and the other man could probably use a shower, a change of clothes, and.. well, they'll go from there. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 09:39 pm (UTC)Yeah.
[ he offers the sleepy baby back to his - mate? boyfriend? they'd never settled on labels. he was fairly certain they never would, prior to this. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 10:02 pm (UTC)then he crosses to josh again, stepping between his knees and reaching with both hands to smooth his too-long hair back from his face, cupping the back of his head with tender, helpless affection. ]
How are you feeling? [ his thumbs brush josh's temples, blue eyes peering into the whiteness of his partner's. ] If you're up to it, I'll start a bath? [ it's.. strange being able to do this again, to touch him, to hold him. he's been so focused on noah, on his work, since josh died that he'd.. forgotten what this was like. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 10:07 pm (UTC)[ like a way to scrub himself clean of everything that happened. ]
I'm not... [ all the way online yet. there are still parts firing up, the damage to his brain repairing itself. mercifully its in tact. he's not doomed to die and come back like logan, his body making new tissue to replace whatever died and thus erasing his memories in the process. revival is a painful process, but he's got it well enough in hand that he's no longer feeling the worst of it. ] I'm not all here just yet.
[ his hands slowly come up to cover quentin's. curling around them protectively. ]
I... tried to stay.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 10:20 pm (UTC)quentin's chest goes tight, breath hitching hard once in his chest. before he can stop them, tears well up in his eyes, spilling down his face. he's managed all this time. he's done okay. he'd grieved, and then he'd-- he'd moved on, or tried. he'd had to. but now josh is back, and all the things he's struggled to keep down, to ignore are right here.
he frees a hand to rub the back of it angrily over his face. why the fuck is he crying? he's fine. he's fine, and josh is here with him again, and he's not.. going anywhere, right? quentin won't let anything like that happen again. ]
I know, [ he manages shakily, shoulders rolling inward, turning his head away as the tears keep falling. ] I-- It's not your fault. What they did to you--
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 10:24 pm (UTC)he's still nervous to touch. afraid that -- that, the rage he worked so hard to surpress -- will rear up. but he's more afraid of leaving those tears unattended. he bites his lip, smoothing a thumb along his cheek. ]
Never again.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 10:53 pm (UTC)he slides his own hands against josh's waist, squeezing him gently. ] .. Never again.
[ he leans in the short distance between them, pressing their brows together lightly, eyes sliding shut. ] We're going to be okay, aren't we? You're going to be okay.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-18 10:57 pm (UTC)It... it always takes something out of me. To come back.
[ i'm never the same. i'm wrong broken dangerous. the thoughts collide messily in his head. ]
We'll be okay.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 01:00 am (UTC)his arms slide more firmly around him, pulling them together more closely, so he can feel the rise and fall of josh's chest against his. ] .. I love you, and I don't-- you know I don't love easily. I'm not going to let this happen again. [ his palms slide up his back, fingers dragging soothingly back down. ] And you have time to-- As much time as you need. [ if the council comes sniffing around before josh is ready--if he's ever ready--quentin will fucking bury them.
he draws back enough to meet his eyes again, smiling wanly. ] Come on, let's get you in the bath. [ he tugs at the clothing josh was laid to rest in--one of his uniforms--and starts easing it open so the other man can slide out of it. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 01:04 am (UTC)its kintsugi in reverse. gold mended back together with hard black lines.
he lets quentin undress him and doesn't look. biting his lip and looking away. ]
It's been a year. We're - we're way behind, I can't just... [ take more time. take any more time for himself. that's selfish, selfish, selfish. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 01:18 am (UTC)[ he kneels to help him step out of the rest of his uniform, glance lifting as he steadies him, a hand resting gently against the back of his thigh. ] A few more weeks won't make a difference, and we haven't-- the last large.. number of people we lost was during the attack that killed you. Since then, one or two here or there. [ his hand slides away, glance flicking aside as he rises again. ] .. I haven't been particularly forgiving.
[ none of them have been, and few have been stupid enough to attack krakoa in the first place. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 01:24 am (UTC)he knows the quiet council will be on their doorstep before long. asking for his help. that was always his experience with the x-men, and why his first and only compulsion is to return where he's needed rather than where he should be. ]
Okay. [ it's enough for now to just be breathing. his gaze cuts to the bath. ] Let's not...
[ fight. talk about it. ]
Let's just get in.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 01:35 am (UTC)Okay, [ he echoes, and curls his fingers briefly with josh's, squeezing them. he ushers him toward the bath, telekinetically dumping a bath bomb into the steaming water as he undresses himself, too.
there are a few new scars on his own body as he steps toward the tub, but otherwise, he's much the same was he was. he takes a few moments to pull his own hair--longer than he used to keep it--into a messy bun, then gently nudges josh forward so he can slip into the water behind him. he eases the other man back against his chest, his arms sliding over his shoulders from behind, lips pressing briefly to the shell of his ear. ] .. We weren't alone. I mean.. the other members of the Five have been good to us, as much as they used to hate me.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 01:39 am (UTC)he can feel it in the bond they share. their fondness for quentin, for noah. how they'd held onto him because he - he was the last piece of josh they had left. he sinks back against quentin and shuts his eyes, enjoys the heat of the bath warming his chilled skin. ]
They didn't hate you. [ well. okay. hope hated him some days. josh hated him others. ] They just... didn't get you. Once you let people know you, like... of course they were gonna love you and the baby.
[ ... ]
They... must have taken it hard.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 01:50 am (UTC)he wets his hands, gently works one through josh's hair, dampening it carefully, keeping the water from dripping into his eyes. ]
It was like they lost part of their soul. [ it was like that for quentin, too, just in a different way. ] We were all a fucking disaster for a long time. I think it-- [ a pause, fingers stilling against josh. ] The pregnancy was.. hard sometimes, and I think it.. gave them something to focus on other than how awful it was that you weren't there.
no subject
Date: 2021-04-19 01:54 am (UTC)and quentin.
a phoenix. a parent. so much had changed, and he... seems gentler. softer. all his sharp edges had been worn down by tragedy, but what lay underneath was just as lovely. ]
I'm proud of you.
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