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[goldtoxicity]

[ a mutant and a dreamer aren't the strangest pairing in the universe. an ex-assassin and a goth farmer barely scratch the surface of strange. when josh had breezed into town, it had been with the intention of staying only a night. long enough to get his bearings on his never-ending quest to outrun his past. he hadn't expected to find anything - or anyone worth staying for.

what's strange is how peaceful life is.

how quiet things are on this little patch of heaven nestled in the virginia countryside.

it probably won't last forever. but he's been around long enough to know nothing really does. while he's here they're focused, on a mission, trying to undo the connection between dreamer and dreamed.

ronan's dream things don't scare him. the - concept of the dreaming, of the reality warping, unsettles him for obvious reasons - but ronan isn't wanda. and if they can solve this mystery, if they can figure out how to infuse magic and life into one, then maybe it can be used to undo what she'd done. nothing about ronan scares him... even when it should. he'd shrugged off any warnings of the threat that lurked in his mind (dude, no offense but you couldn't kill me in a million years) and slept plastered to his side, practically daring the worst of ronan to come out and fight him.

because its not josh that ronan's dream things like to hurt. ]

Comments

[embodier]

[ they've been pretty lucky so far. ronan is much, much better than he was not that long ago; gansey and the others had seen to it, helping him hold himself together until the worst of his wounds could begin to scab over and heal. it's been a long process, and there are certainly days--even weeks--in which he's a miserable, self-hating mess, but they come less and less often now that he has josh.

so they've been lucky, but the luck had to run out at some point.

nightmares are.. easy to identify in ronan. normally, when he sleeps at all, he sleeps sprawled, wrapped up with josh. tonight, he's curled tightly on his side as if he needs to protect himself, arms tucked in between his chest and his knees, body twitching in small, aborted movements, breath coming in short and hitched and afraid. and then, very suddenly, he goes absolutely still.

in the corner of the room, the blackness of the shadows deepens, growing mass. something scrapes against the old hardwood floor, feathers rustling, and a soft noise like a death rattle begins to grow, filling the room. before ronan can move, before he can fight back the paralysis, the thing shrieks, flinging itself across the room and toward their bed with beak and claws and rage. ]

[goldtoxicity]

[ he should pick up on it.

he should be faster.

he should be better.

instead, the passive part of his powers picks up on distress. the physical indications of a nightmare, fight or flight priming muscles to move as neurons fire and register fear and danger. he's too late - only cracking a groggy eye open when it's too late, when the dreaming is done, when the thing is flying towards them with claws extended.

it only ever takes a second. and he's a second too late. the claws rip through his skin but it heals just as fast, the skin of his arms washes from gold to jet black. x-men training was bullshit, but he knows how to kill - only magical things don't like to die so easy, and the best he can do in the interim is try to to knock it off and away. ]

Ronan!

[embodier]

[ his eyes are wide open, but he's still frozen, paralyzed the way he always is after bringing a dream-thing out into the real world. and in the meantime, the night horror--huge, toothed beak snapping and claws raking, eyes mad with rage and black blood like tar spraying across both of them as it shrieks--tries with the desperation only mindless hate can provide to get to ronan.

it flings a clawed arm out, raking the dreamer's arm and shoulder, opening gashes in the pale skin that spatter their sheets scarlet. and finally, ronan moves, rolling upright and throwing himself between them as if josh was ever truly in danger in the first place. ]

Knife! [ he gasps, throwing his shoulder hard into the night horror's chest, knocking it off-kilter and off the bed. it snaps for his throat as they go down together, clawing and biting where it can reach, and with a knee on its chest and blood-slick hand trying to find purchase on its throat, ronan flings out his other shaking hand toward the nightstand. ] In the drawer!

[ they need to do this fast, faster. ronan's losing a lot of blood, dizzy with it as claws find his waist and dig in and tear. ]

[goldtoxicity]

[ idiot. josh almost freezes, almost locks up, almost gives in to old trauma and old reactions.

but he's above that now.

he moves as fast as he can, diving over the bed to grab hold of the knife. he's keenly aware of each cut, each drop of blood split, every terrible moment he's so fucking slow but his fingers close around the blade and he's jumping back up.

there's no hesitation. josh tries to feel for whatever vital point the thing has and then stabs, drives the blade in as deep as it will go. grabs hold of it and uses his powers to compel it to die while he draws the blade out and then rams it back into its throat. ]

[embodier]

[ it screeches at the first stab, jerking beneath the blade, one hand ripping away from ronan to try to claw at the blade. at the second stab, its screaming changes to gurgling, and it twitches, fighting josh's power and the dreamed knife.. before finally going limp, its last breath rattling as it leaves its throat.

ronan, dizzy, vision going black, gasps helplessly, hand made slick and clumsy with blood loss as he paws at the claws still embedded in the shredded skin and muscle in his waist. ]

F-- [ his tongue feels thick and stupid in his mouth. ] Foley-- [ he tips sideways, slipping, no longer able to keep his balance. ]

[goldtoxicity]

[ The knife hits the ground, tossed more carelessly aside than it should be as his attention shifts. The black of his hands washes gold again as he lays his hand against ronan's cheek. funneling power into him - trying to temper the need to fix it all at once with the reality of his injuries, with how much more harm he could cause with those talons still in him. ]

I'm here. I'm here - you - you're going to be alright, okay? Look at me.

[ Out the claws come. The sound echoes in his ears, wet and dreadful, as they slide out by inch by impossibly sharp inch. Josh's hand drops over the injury, the other curling around the cut on his arm. ]

[embodier]

[ he keens as josh eases the claws out of his skin, pained and exhausted now that the adrenaline is flooding out of him and the extent of his injuries are making themselves known. but almost before he can really feel it, josh's hands are on him. slumped against the older man, he tries to obediently keep his eyes on him, tries to ignore the sick guilt beginning to fill his chest as his boyfriend heals him.

he shouldn't have to. ronan should be beyond bringing back monsters like this. he should have better control by now.

he shudders, hand closing in josh's pantsleg, leg pushing weakly at the monster they'd killed. ] Fuck, [ he mumbles, feeling his skin knit together and the warmth of josh's powers wash through him. ] 'M sorry.

[goldtoxicity]

You don't need to apologize.

[ if this were a fair world, ronan would have been able to study under someone. to learn how to control his abilities in a safe environment, not forced to learn on the fly without any safety net. where one mistake like this would usually mean death.

the wounds close, the new skin and freshly healed muscle doomed to be sore for the next little while. josh threads his fingers through his boyfriend's and brings his knuckles to his lips. pressing a kiss to them. ]

For the monster, I mean. Trying to play tank like that was pretty dumb.

[embodier]

[ now that he's healed, he aches, body and soul. he hates this, hates his nightmares, hates that he'd put both of them in danger like this. and he gets it, he does, logically. he knows he's not the first person to struggle with his powers, he won't be the last. but why do his have to be like this?

his fingers twitch in josh's hold, and a part of him wants to protest, because they're bloody like the rest of him, but mostly he's comforted by the gesture, grateful for the warmth. ]

I'm used to.. taking care of them on my own. [ he'd just reacted, his body moving without his brain's consent. but even if he'd had time to think, he's not sure he would have done anything different. it's a night horror, something he created. it's his duty to deal with them.

he turns his head to push his face in against josh's body, eyes squeezing shut. ] .. I wanna' get cleaned up. We can bury this thing later.

[goldtoxicity]

I know.

[ He gives it a second to settle his own nerves, then bends down to gather Ronan up in his arms. Careful, careful, exceedingly careful as he steps over and away from the monster's corpse and heads towards the bathroom.

No matter how much progress you make, all it takes is one terrible mistake for you to feel like you never learned anything at all. ]

Superpowers don't come with an easy mode.

[embodier]

[ he makes a startled noise as josh just picks him up, and if this were literally any other time, he'd be embarrassed. he's nineteen and a boxer, he's not some skinny little thing. but honestly, he just feels fucking fragile right now, like all the work he's put into getting better was worthless in the end, and his boyfriend's arms around him are about the only thing keeping him in one piece.

so instead of protesting, he curls his arms around josh's neck and shudders, throat feeling tight and painful. ]

No, [ he agrees, mumbling into josh's shoulder, waiting until they're in the bathroom to uncurl his long legs to put his feet on the floor. he sways for a moment, still clutching his boyfriend, reluctant to let go of him. but finally, he uncurls his arms from around him, pushing his boxer-briefs down his hips and kicking them off, vaguely dismayed when he realizes he's leaving blood smears over the tile. ]

[goldtoxicity]

[ the psychological damage will linger, but the wounds will heal without a scar. greatest blessing of his power is allowing people that fresh start. he could heal the rest, it's not a conversation he's wanted to broach yet. some people find solace in their scars, reminders of the trials and tribulations they survived.

but ronan doesn't need that. ronan's got an empty house, nightmares, and the weight of the world crushing him. josh turns to get the shower going, kicking off his ruined pajama pants and considering them for a moment before carelessly tossing them towards the far corner of the bathroom. no saving those.

clothes don't matter. instead he turns to ronan, resting a hand on his hip. stroking soothing circles into his skin, letting his powers wash over him to soothe away the aches and steady him. ]

Sooo I'm thinking... Shower, then bubble bath?

[embodier]

[ he huffs a laugh that he doesn't actually feel at the suggestion, trying to focus on the comfort of josh's hand on his hip, his familiar warmth. ]

Yeah, that-- Yeah. [ ronan rarely takes baths over showers, even more rarely bubble baths, but at this point, josh could suggest going outside to clean off in the pond and he'd agree because josh is the one that said it. besides, curling up with his boyfriend in the tub doesn't sound awful right now.

he leans in briefly to push their brows together, then eases away from josh to step into the shower and directly under the spray, watching the water swirling under his feet as it goes red and black. ] It's-- I-- [ he braces a hand against the wall, fingers curling into a fist. ] It's been months. [ since he brought something bad back. ]

[goldtoxicity]

This doesn't take away from how much more control you've got. You set a new record.

[ he watches the water clear away the pale skin, eyes sharp for any marks he missed of magical maladies that might have been lingering on those claws.

ronan's sense of right and wrong is unyielding, an uncompromising moral code, even when it doesn't necessarily make the most logical sense. it's one of the things josh loves most about him, what drew him to him.

and it's also an incredible point of frustration - he heals, ronan doesn't.

he can't die, ronan can. ]

Now we beat the record.

[embodier]

[ for a few moments, he's silent, glance lifting and blinking away the water running down his face. it doesn't feel like control when he has nightmares like this, when he fights the ugliest parts of himself and loses. it makes him want to get fucked up and fight. it makes him want the open road and the accelerator pushed to the metal.

instead, he uncurls his hand against the wall and steps in close against josh again, both hands coming up to cup the sides of his neck, fingers curling loosely in the hair behind his ears. he leans in to kiss him, coaxing, almost pleading. ]

[goldtoxicity]

[ when you have the weight of the world on your showers, unimaginable power to do both great good and great evil, every tiny slip feels like a failure. someone has to be there to slot the pieces back together, to remind you it isn't the end of the world.

its hard to be kind to yourself when you feel like every breath you take could be one stolen from a loved one.

he tilts his head to catch ronan's lips, giving him everything he asks for and more. i'm okay the returning kiss says, you can't hurt me, and i love all parts of you, even the parts you don't. he backs them up a step until he's under the spray too, washing off any trace of the mess. ]

[embodier]

[ ronan lets himself be backed up beneath the spray, shoulders easing back against the cool tile as he curls his arms around josh's neck instead, keeping him close as they kiss. his fingers curl, kneading absently at the older man's nape, eyes sliding shut as the water cleans them both.

this-- this he can focus on right now, the pure physicality of josh in his arms, his mouth against his, his warmth and his hands. if he thinks about the dead night horror in their bedroom, how easily he could have died, how easily it might have killed opal or someone else if they'd been staying the night, he knows himself well enough to know how he'll react.

when the kiss finally ends, he's flushed and a little breathless, but he just moves his lips to the corner of josh's mouth, then his jaw, shifting to roll his hips against his boyfriend's. he's not hard, not yet, but he doesn't really care right now, either. ]

[goldtoxicity]

[ his head tilts easily, letting ronan's lips trail along his throat.

[ he's not a psychic. he can't gently excise the memory, cut away the feelings and leave a healed scar in its place, but he can distract. his fingers dance along ronan's sides before sliding back, palming his ass. ]

Let me take care of you.